Capping 1932. Victoria University College. April 30th, May 2nd and 3rd, 1932.

"Dry Rot" — Pontifical Personalities

" Dry Rot"

Pontifical Personalities.

Chief-Defective Trickledown—Hang-over from the "Police Gazette" Mr. F. Cormack

"The police have their faults, but thank God they're inefficient!" —G. K. Chesterton.

Speed-Constable Sporranson—One of the perils of the road Mr. D. Banks

"'Faster! Faster!' cried the Red Queen. 'Are we nearly there?' Alice managed to pant out. 'Nearly there!' the Queen repeated, 'Why we passed it ten minutes ago! Faster!'" —Lewis Carroll.

Rev. Mr. Howitzer of McAndrew's—A Betartaned Pussyfoot Mr. C. G. Watson.

"Let's stop somebody from doing something!" —A. P. Herbert.

1st Woman of Gravey League Oratorical Mr. Winkel
2nd Woman of Gravey League Oracres Mr. Read

"Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." —Shakespeare.

Telegraph Boy Mr. Whitcombe

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!" —J. Malton Murray.

Prof. P. W. Lifeandbeauty (a missionary of the Muses) Mr. W. J. Mountjoy, Junr.

"It is not Art but Heart that makes the world go round." —Ella Wheeler Wilcox.

Mr. Robt. Barrack—Secretary of the Gravey League Mr. N. Hannah

"So stick to your desks and never go to sea,

And you may all be rulers of the Queen's Navee."

—Gilbert.

1st Member of Nude Cult Miss E. Purdie

"And she answered, all the woman in her, flashing from her eyes, 'You musn't ask no questions and you won't be told no lies!'" —John Milton (Moultin').

"Blizzard" Smith—A Geelong Jehu Mr. Sceats

"Never trust a man in a car." —Maxims of Clara Bow.

Lady Mewl—The Scourge of the Swordfish Miss S. Breen

"I'd rather be a kitten and cry mew." —Shakespeare.

"And then there were heroes, Joan of Arc,
Nelson, of course, and William Tell.
And Ledy Mewl who found a shark
Inside her bath and didn't yell."

—G. K. Chesterton (a little bit chestier).

Chorus of Unemployed Police-Defectives—

Messrs. Macaskell, Katz, Liidemann, Wilton, Arlow, Oliver, Kaberry, H. R. Hall, R. Wild, Ashenden, K. Scott, Elphick.

"They also serve who only stand and wait." —J. Milton (moulted).

Chorus of Women of the Gravey League—

Mesdames Winkel, Reardon, Hutcheson, Jenkins, H. O. Wansborough, Heenan, Fortune, R. L. Jones, Sage, Denz, Purdie, R. L. Loundes.

"The white man's burden." —Kipling.

Chorus of Members of Nude Cult.

Misses E. Purdie, M. A. Spence-Sales, M. Slyfield, H. Hurley, K. Rouse, E. Cook, N. Macdonald, F. Eccles, P. Walker, I. Cornes, H. Archer, N. Cooper.

"'Modesty and Decency,' said Hatherleigh, 'are Oriental vices'" —H. G. Wells.

Mermaids, Sharks, Octopuses, Politicians, Cormorants, Special Constables, Reporters, Icebergs, Crayfish, and a thousand other unsolved Mysteries of the Deep.

Important: No reference to any living person is to be found in this play.

If there are any jokes in this play you don't understand please call at the stage door at the conclusion of the performance. Police need not apply. If you know any good stories yourself, bring them along.

Scene One. Headquarters of N.Z. Defective Farce.

Scene Two. Headquarters of N.Z. Defective Farce

Time. Now or never.