Salient: Victoria University Students' Paper. Vol. 30, No. 11. 1967.
Sludge
Sludge
Noddy's Party
( An allegory so monumentally awesome in its terrifying meaningfulness that it has moved the National Film Unit to produce a five-minute documentary entitled "Beautiful Porirua").
One day little Noddy was playing with his puppets in his little stone House "Ho, Ho, Ho," he chizzed to his pathetic little wooden playthings, "today we will all be happy and glad for today me and my friend Big Mouth will be having a party."
At this good news forty pairs of tiny wooden hands began to clap so hard that Noddy's bell danced and jingled with delight. "You have been such good little wooden men that I have invited Maxie and His Magic Dollar Taxi to come as well! Now if you all go and rest your hands for a while I'll go and count my toy soldiers."
So Noddy went off to his secret toy cupboard to count his soldiers. He was so excited that the counting didn't seem to last as long as usual. Suddenly little Noddy realised why. He hadn't any more tin soldiers! He had swapped them all for a ride in the Magic Dollar Taxi and a vague promise of lollies galore from Uncle Loony Bins Johnson, Maxie's manipulator. There was only one thing to do. He would have to get faithful Big Mouth to set his pet Pig onto some of his 2.6 million plastic puppets. The Pig would bring them home in his mouth and they would be melted down and moulded into tiny plastic soldiers. (Maxie would never notice anyway chiz chiz . . .")
Soon the Pig. little Noddy and Big Mouth were busily melting the first batch of plastic puppets. They were talking merrily about the Pig's latest achievement of splitting all the lollies in the Village into two parts so that the plastic puppets would think that they had twice as many as before. Noddy was cooing and chizzing and passing out lollies sent to him by some Swiss puppets when he heard the familiar heavy tones of Mr. Plod the Village engine driver. "Watt's going on here eh?" he intoned, wishing he was a policeman.
Before Big Mouth had a chance to put his foot in it Maxie's Magic Dollar Taxi pulled up outside the little stone House. Mr. Plod was very nearly trampled on in the rush for ballpoint pens but already Maxie was having none of it. Kicking the little wooden puppets aside he strode straight to Noddy and gave him some funny-looking lollies and told him to swallow them.
Although his face turned a bilious turquoise Noddy would not say what the lollies were even when thousands of plastic puppets knocked on his door and asked him.
All the time Maxie just sat and glared and muttered about having no more tin soldiers either and about how his plastic soldiers spent their time melting each other down. At this Noddy made a brave attempt to cheer him up by singing the Village Anthem—"Puppet on a String." This only served to anger Maxie who made a rude remark about General Wastmoremen and left.
When he had gone Mr. Plod asked Noddy whether Maxie wanted the Village cheese any more. Noddy broke down and cried and whimpered "Only till they get to the Moon." And that was the end of little Noddy's dream of staying in the little stone House for ever and ever.