Salient. Victoria University of Wellington Student's Newspaper. Volume 31, Number 5. April 2 1968
Sludge
Sludge
Dear Sir,
Re your application for funds to bring God to New Zealand.
We are inclined to think that this would be inappropriate for several reasons which we will list for your perusal.
1. The timing of the proposed visit is entirely unfortuitous in that it would immediately precede the arrival of His Royal Highness the Duke of Somewhere or Other. We think you will appreciate the undesirability of allowing the Duke to feel that he is being made to play second fiddle to God.
2. We fail to see how the said invitee can be seriously considered alive when "Time" magazine has quite clearly declared him to be dead.
3. It is well known that the Prime Minister considers himself to have the loudest voice in the country and to disillusion him at this stage would not be in the National interest.
4. You claim that "God is Everywhere". We have referred this assessment to the Minister of Labour and Immigration who has replied "not if I've got anything to do with it he isn't".
5. A thorough investigation of your claim that the invitee is a respected author was found to be highly speculative. Indeed the claim might be said to be on a par with the notion that "Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare". After much detailed research we found that only one short treatise ("The Ten Commandments" restricted sale hardbacked copies only) was in any way authentic. The authorship of this has also been disputed; with our preference going to Cecil B. De Mille. It might also be added that we could find scant evidence of the work being respected anywhere in the World.
6. From the pictures we have viewed it is obvious that the invitee is unshaven and probably has chronic B.O. It follows from this that he is a born troublemaker (particularly if his son is anything to go by). We should add that this viewpoint has judicial approval inasmuch as all plagues, floods, earthquakes and governmental cockups are officially blamed on the invitee. (Q.v. "A dictionary of New Zealand Law" under God: Act of")
7. Finally we feel that we should add that in view of the current Vietnamese situation it can no longer be asserted that the invitee is "on our side" as was traditionally thought. Until such time as he can prove his loyalties he must take his chance with the pinkoes.
Yours pathetically,
The Absurd Bank