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James K. Baxter Complete Prose Volume 1

Disquieting American [2]

page 421

Disquieting American [2]

Sir: As lonely in Pig Island I searched the cat for fleas, I heard a strain of revelry come riding on the breeze ‘Tom Lehrer’s at the party,’ my friendly neighbour said – ‘I suggest we ask him over to sing for us instead.’

‘Oh, no,’ said Mr Laurenson, and banged his Bible loud. ‘The bodgies and the widgies will be dancing in that crowd. With a bunch of Screwtape letters and the Mazengarb Report I can prove that Mr Lehrer isn’t doing what he ought.’

Very civilly I answered – ‘Are you absolutely sure? Don’t you think it would be selfish to keep the party pure by closing down the party? I have heard it from a friend that the wheat and weeds together must flourish till the end.’

‘Oh, no,’ wept Mr Laurenson, ‘I tremble and I shake when I think of Christian values and the soul of man at stake. Tom Lehrer may be clever, but the heart of man is frail, and I know my teenage daughter (if she heard him) would grow pale.’

‘Gor blimey,’ said my neighbour, ‘you are a funny bloke! There’s eighteen hundred paperbacks to send her up in smoke. Tom Lehrer, he’s an egghead and a moralist as well. Don’t imagine that she’d listen. You’ve been reading “Little Nell”.’

‘Oh, no,’ sighed Mr Laurenson, ‘I fear the taint of sin. His barbarous songs will never make a decent Kiwi grin. Excuse me if I leave you. It’s after five p.m. I must buy a one-way ticket to the New Jerusalem.’

1960 (219)