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Victoria College Students' Carnival. Thursday and Saturday - 25th & 27th June 1908

Act 1.—Auckland

Act 1.—Auckland.

Chorus of Auckland Press Reporters.

If you're looking for the noblest of professions, of professions,
Reporting is the very one you need, one you need;
We should really like to give you our impressions, our impressions,
But that modesty's a portion of our creed, of our creed.
It's the leading avocation, there's no other, there's no other
Can be found alike it underneath the sun, 'neath the sun
Oh ! take one consideration with another, with another,
A reporter's lot is quite a happy one.
Oh ! unless there's any thinking to be done, to be done,
A reporter's lot is quite a happy one.

We have duties very wide and variegated, variegated—
There's a fascination quaint in getting news getting news—
But by some of course our powers are overrated, overrated,
Who expect the truth in ev'ry word we use, word we use.
We describe in language full of erudition, erudition,

Try Wallace & Gibson, "The Kash." for Winter Underclothing, Gloves, and Overcoats.

page 18

Smoke "Cameo" Cigarettes, the Best.

Tennis matches played 'twixt Roosevelt and the Church, and the Church,
And there's always an egg-laying competition, competition,
While for tram announcements every day we search,
And unless there's any thinking to be done, to be done,
A reporter's life is quite a happy one.

Oh ! the Empire City's daily sheets are always on the brag,
That their village is the Universe's hub, is the hub;
While in by-gone days the morning "Times" was quite a toney rag,
Now the organ of the local Kennel Club, Kennel Club.
The "Squatter's 'Minion" gets the "Times" on meta-phoric toast,
And smites it in a manner most ungodly, most ungodly;
But for purity of language you had best obtain the "Post,"
And read the little bits by Henry Bodley.
Oh ! take one consideration with another, with another,
A reporter's life is quite a scrappy one.

Solo—watt-Buncombe.

Now that I've come ashore
Of press reporters a score
All shoving and hustling
A-jostling and bustling
Encircle me as before.

When I was an Oxford don,
I met a smart fellow named Von
We used to play poker
With a joint Tapioca
A Trinity Dublin John.

I became a Professor one day
And forthwith was hurried away,
I packed up to travel
To try and unravel
The Socialist schemes of the day.

I went to the Emerald Isle
To visit auld Pat for a while
Then journeyed by tram
To the Assouan dam
To visit the Sphinx and the Nile.

Try Wallace & Gibson, "The Kash." for Winter Underclothing, Gloves, and Overcoats.

page 19

You will find "Lucy" all right.

I was told to see Naples and die
Though really I cannot say why
'Twas very respectable
Highly delectable
Though somewhat inclined to be high.

I roamed with the Romans in Rome
And visited Homer at Home
I called on the Shah
And also the Czar
But the latter was not at home.

Saw Paris on the Seine
Berlin on the Spree
Then took me by train
To traverse the main
By the side of the Zuyder Zee.

I went for a wireless walk
From Liverpool to New York
Got hold of a nigger
Who wasn't de rigeur
And endeavoured to cleanse him with chalk.

Slowly
But I was till this day in June
Aesthetically out of tune,
As a beautiful treat
There is nothing to beat
The poetical Auckland moon.

Chorus.

Oh ! If you are a stranger here
And want to travel anywhere,
We have a tourist system grand,
To take you safely through the land.
The tourist agent you will meet,
You'll find him loafing in the street.
He'll tell about our sunny clime,
Our lakes unique, our sounds sublime.
Of Rotorua's fame you'll hear,
Its costly baths, its balmy air,
And how in sulphur pools all day,
You sit and boil your skin away—
Yes that is what the agents say.

So off you go
To the bureau,
And thereupon.
You ring the bell and ask for Donne,
And free of charge
He will enlarge
Upon the many varied beauties of this Wonderland.

Try Wallace & Gibson, "The Kash." for Winter Underclothing, Gloves, and Overcoats.

page 20

Smoke "Cameo" Cigarettes, the Best.

At Wanganui you should see
The local Rhine, the scenery;
For crazy sculls 'tis unsurpassed,
For though they Bakewell there they fast.
Before you leave this land, to view
You'd better note a place or two:
The Napier sky which never rains,
The rabbitless Otago plains,
Dunedin's harbour wide and deep,
And little Nelson fast asleep,
The Christchurch winds, the wet West Coast,
Pelorus Jack—New Zealand's boast—
About these things we always boast.

We think our land
So very grand
And quite as fine
As any state above the line.
So free of charge,
We all enlarge
Upon the many varied beauties of this Wonderland.