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Victoria University College. Capping Week May 4th, to May 9th. "Willum the Conk" [1931]

Willum the Conk

Willum the Conk.

Solo.
Oh, I sauk on the wings of twilight,
By the side of the silver sea,
And I walked in the sparkling splendour
Of the lights of Lambton Quay.
And I list to the croon of the mermaids
Mill the foam of Island Bay,
And they sang a song that the whole world sings,
A song that will live for aye.

Chorus.
Willum the Conk! Set the earth a-rocking,
Shout his praise till the echoes ring.
Willum the Conk! Altho' our music's shocking,
Shout his praises while we've strength to sing.

Solo.
Oh, I walked in the sleeping city
When the world was calm with sleep,
And I heard the snores of the policemen,
And the voice of the Mighty Deep,
From sleepers far and near,
The croon of discordant woices then,
Fell gently upon mine ear.

Then I'll Believe you.

When earth shall crumble into dust,
And power and life shall flee;
When laughter fades in depthless night,

Oh! How Could he?

A Dusseldorf ripper called Kuerten,
With the ladies tried fluerten and huerten;
He killed more than a score—
The Court laughed and swore;
Then rang down the euerten on Kuerten.

All 'Ail.

All 'ail to King Polonius Botts,
King of this 'ere Val-lee!

Lift your voices up and shout:
"May he live until he dies!"
May he and all his fam'lie grow,
In wealth and joy and fatness!
Raise your voices all together,
And shout the praise of our dear King,
And his dog, and his cow,
The turmits, the 'orse, and the familee,
And the hens, and the sheep,
The taties, the pig and the wife.
Then raise one great discordant cry,
Shout till the echoes ring;
Set the earth's foundations rocking,
And shout the praise of our dear King!

page 31

By the Beard of the Prophet.

By the beard of the Prophet, I've dreamed not in vain,
For my prayers have been answered to-day;
For our darling young Prince, like some cheese that I've met,
Will shortly be walking away.
Then to Mecca I'll turn, and I'll bow ot the ground,
"All praise to the Prophet, the Lord of the true,
For enticing young Willie a-way" (eh-way).

Chorus.
That he speaks but the truth we'll gladly affirm,
But concerning our Prince we would pray,
"May the gods always keep him," we humbly implore—
"May the gods always keep him a-way."
When last week to the mosque I was wending my way,
My ha'p'ny clasped tight in my hand—

Chorus.
If, when life is no more, to Heaven we go,
And we find there's a Botts there as well,
We will shoulder our packs and we'll gladly depart.

Work.

Oh, work is the essence and zest of life,
A better friend than food or wife,
It keeps men good when they might he naughty,
We forget our troubles when we're working.
Tho' they're taxing this, and taxing that,
Tho' our wage is lean, and our rates are fat,
Tho' our ten-per-cent, cut has grown to forty,
We forget our troubles when we're working.

Chorus.
Oh, work's so entrancing,
Sets us all romancing;
We simply can't conceive the man,
Who thinks it sweet to shirk.
Now, boys, all together,
Working hell-for-leather,
Flap your wings and bless the man,
Who first invented work.

Bootiful Work.

Boot-iful work,
Just suits me.
You sits an' you smokes from nine till three,
You sits an' you slumbers peacefullee,
And the Guv'ment supplies the pay an' the tea.
Boot-iful work.

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The Caverns of Darkness.

Shout forth, ye trumpets, and sound forth, ye thunders,
In praise to the spirits of Darkness and Hate.
Mark how the tempest in fury is raging.
The voice and the echo of Death and Fate,
Sound the challenge out abroad
To every man and nation,
And this, their new damnation!
We'll give the world to blood.
Then forth to conquest
Then forth to conquest!
We'll give the world to blood.

With sword and with thunder we come to proclaim thee,
Ruler of earth and of fire and wave,
Who art and shall be for ever and ever,
Till thou art the master and man the slave.
Sound the challenge out abroad,
Death and Hate shall victors be
To every man and nation,
And this, their new damnation!
A world of blood for evermore.
Then forth to conquest!
Then forth to conquest!
We'll give the world to blood.

Heave Ho!

Bluster:
My name would make the fiercest shrink,
And brave men hide in fear.
The ships all think it's time to sink,
When my fierce face draws near.
In haughty pride I sweep the deep,
And scare old Neptune blue,
And should some ship have pluck to fight,
We'll tell you what we do:

Blus. & Pir.:
We heave for the rolling sea,
We heave for the rolling sea.

Bluster:
For the wife said; "Never wag your jowl,
At someone bigger than yersel'."

page 33

Blus. & Pir.:
Of course what the wife says always has to—well!
So it's heave-ho! Heave-ho! Heave for the rolling sea!

Bluster:
Tho' modest, as I've said before,
And humble to a fault,
Believe me when I meekly roar:
"They don't feed Me on malt."
My laugh would put a fleet to flight,
My better's not been born,
For if some fool should Me defy,
I laugh aloud in scorn.

Blus. & Pie.:
We heave for the rolling sea,
We heave for the rolling sea

Bluster:
The way my wife dictates my life,
It fairly makes me pout:
She says: "Be back on 'such' a day;
And if you're not,—look out!"

Blus. & Pir.:
And if, by chance, we've been delayed,
Though heroes to the core,
When we see our grim, determined wives,
In line along the shore:

Blus. & PIR.:
We heave for the rolling sea,
We heave for the rolling sea:
We're not afraid of gun or knife,
We're not afraid to risk our life,
But 'we' simply cannot stand domestic strife,
So it's heave-ho! Heave-ho! Heave for the rolling sea!

Not that it Matters.

The revenue worried our George,
So a plan he was forced to disgorge;
He levied, the nutt,
A Ten Per Cent, Cut.
Which raised the mob's gorge against George.

The Return of Kit, Kt.

There was a gay fellow called Parr,
Who returned with a merry rah-rah,
Saying, "Why look so glum?
In the land where I come
The people are worse off by far, ha, ha!"

page break

An Open Letter to Mr. H. E. Holland, M.P.

Dear Sir,—

I have heard with regret that you say
Prof Murphy's conceptions are furlongs away
From those of the pundits whom Labour adores,
From Eraser's, from Lang's and from Ted Theodore's.
You further remarked in your generous way
Our Barney at College would never have sway,
If Labour was lord in New Zealand to-day.

Now, if holding the House with a Labourite host,
You wished to fulfil this astonishing boast,
I ask with great interest who would you find
To fill the position the Prof, left behind?
From Labourite sneakers from East to West Coast
To choose the right follow to fill up his post,
Would puzzle the brain-apparatus of most.

So, may I suggest, if the time you can spare,
That Barney's old job should be under your care.
You'd teach economics as Marx has portrayed it,
And tell the young country how Forbes has betrayed it,
By saying reductions in wages are fair,
While Socialist schemes you could grandly compare
To give the poor devils who starve free-hot air.

And if 'tis the wicked old Prof, that you'd sack,
There's two or three more we would willingly lack,
So give us dear Walter de Nash for our Law,
And Semple for classics we'd simply adore;
And then we would feel we were on the right track,
With Eraser and Semple and Nash at our back.

And over the Tasman great thinkers we see
Now teaching Australia the way to be free;
In Maths we would learn with their Ted Theodore
How twenty plus twenty makes millions or more;
Then Scullin the Dean of Rail-Sitting would be,
While Lang to take Contracts we all would agree
Would make the dull subject full worthy the fee.

Good-bye! Mr. Holland, we'll see you up here,
As soon as the Country can pay your tram-fare,
Victoria welcomes your friends in advance,
Her high reputation you'll surely enhance,
And lend to her, learning and wisdom most rare;
And under your guidance and masterful care
The College will follow the State—God knows where!

C, G. W,