If I Only had a Brain

Wol—
I'd be able to do justice
To wharfies and railway workers
Who are driving me insane.
I'd draft some Regulations,
To hasten their cremations—
If I only had brain!
When with problems I am grapplin'
I'll not be like Charlie Chaplin—
Solutions would be plain;
I'd liquidate the Tories,
If I only had a brain!
If they could use me I would go to war,
On my cash mounted as a yore,
I'd smash the National line and then some more—
I'd startle populations,
With new-found imprecations,
I'd be myself again;
If my moustache were littler
I could be another Hitler—
If I only had a brain!