Carry on Phil [1960]
Trial at Bar
Trial at Bar
Had half an hour to fill in the other day and dropped in at the "George" for a chat with Michael Timothy Stein who's worked in the back bar for years. Mike was having his holidays but I got talking to a bloke who proved to be an interesting bird. I thought he looked strange and when he told me he was a student I understood at once the reason for his dress.
"Yes Kerbstone, old chap, we students don't have the sympathy of the public here in Wellington, like our mates at Canty and O.U.
"But whose fault is that Arch? (that was his name). I mean your conduct has been a bit on the nose these last few years. Take those footprints the boys painted across the street and half way up the walls of the Inland Revenue building last year on April the 1st."
"And that time you all marched to Parliament with that petition... the havoc you played with the Willis Street traffic!"
"Well Kerby, old chap, we have to let the public know that we are on the job, looking after their interests as it were."
"Yes, Arch, but I do think you students do spend too much time making a noise down town when you should be reading books up the hill."
"The point is though, that we have to (whoops, mind your beer on my duffle coat, old chap) get a liberal education Kerbstone. You see, nearly all of us like a pint, in liberal amounts. We try to see life as it really is."
"You mean through hazy eyes, Arch?"
"Not exactly, Kerby—have one on me. What I'm getting at is the fact that none of us are really well off—except the part-timers."
"Go on."
"Yes, so we are forced to live a withdrawn sort of life because of our poverty."
"But don't you have lectures to keep you occupied?"
"Well yes, but they aren't all of much value. Half the chaps can't even follow the lecturer—that's why I'm down here now, trying to escape from "Mumbles."
"Who is he?"
"A chap who is lecturer in Economics which I am taking for the 3rd time."
"But don't you find it expensive to pass the time in the boozer whenever you have these lectures."
"Well yes, Kerby old chap, but the Government gives me £40 each year for beer money and now and again I have enough over to buy a new pair of corduroys for the next term."
"Looks like you blokes have an existence completely free from the money problem."
"Well actually, old chap, that's the reason I'm studying economics—to make my beers go further!"
"So all your entertainment revolves around the pub, Arch?"
"Not entirely, Kerbstone. When the 'George' closes we stick to the rules and buy a flagon. That's our equivalent to your printed invitation to a party."
"You mean you have invitations to parties?"
"Well, sort of Kerby. You see all the boys gather here and at the Midland and swop addresses of all the parties we have heard about. The flagon is our admission fee."
"Are all those blokes across there going to a party tonight, then. Look at all the flagons they are handing the barman?"
"Certainly not Kerbstone, only Nobby that tall chap. He has collected about 12 flagons from the last 3 parties he has been to and now he can cash the flagons and has another week's free beer money."
"So all you students do is to go to parties Arch?"
"Well, we play rugby during the season and we take out girlfriends some of the time. Kerbstone."
"Well, at least you only take out girls some of the time—it does say something for you blokes."
"Not really, you see, those of us who can afford to have them cook for us and make our beds, and tidy up, and so on, often can't afford to take them out on top of that. What we do is get a jar and go to a party where we know we can pick up a doll for the evening."
"So you can't lose, Arch?"
"Well, I suppose you're right Kerby, but this can't last for ever so we do work hard for the future on occasions such as now."
"But you're only drinking constructively right now, Arch."
"Not on your Union—cursed life Kerbstone, I've just finished writing an article for 'Extravaganza' programme. By the way old chap, there are a couple of free tickets on the way to you in the post!"