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A Banned Item [1938]

"A Banned Item" — A curtain-raiser

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"A Banned Item"

A curtain-raiser.

Caste (But not far enough)

Salamanca Lads
Salamanca Lassies
Patriarchal Parasites.

Curtain rises on bare stage. First chorus is sung in front of tabs.

Enter, left, a chorus of male students, clad in grey slacks, sweaters, and sports coats. The students look very disconsolate; their hands are deep in their pockets, and they enter mournfully, very slowly but in perfect time. Enter right, a chorus of female students, dressed in ballet costumes and full make-up. Their hands are clasped behind them, and they appear very lugubrious. The male and female students line up in front of the stage.

Chorus
We ought to say "Good Evening"
And gaily welcome you
With bright romance
And song and dance,
As generally we do.

We ought to say "Good Evening".
And sing our songs to you,
Our art employ
To fill with joy
The coming hour or two.

We ought to say "Good Evening"
But we are filled with woe -
Unhappily
The powers that be
Have banned our Capping show!

(The music continues; the students recite the following dramatically a la Mr. Mountjoy's verse-speaking choir)

Men Students
Our moral growth they must protect
With measures wise and circumspect

Women Students
They guard us with all loving care
Employing a commissionaire.

Men Students
They realise the grave effects
Which spring from talk of God and sex.

Women Students
To check our moral retrogression
They banned the Varsity Procession.

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Chairc Calrstprots For ballet Yes Kneeling

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Male Students: (Kneeling and raising their hands in supplication)

We come to plead on beaded knee
That you'll revoke your stern decree

(Professors take no notice - girls ogle them and take their arms shyly.)

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All But cursed be the Board which bans a 'Varsity Extravaganza.

Chorus
We ought to say "Good Evening"
But think we ought to go
And interview
The people who
Have banned our Capping show.

(The tabs part, and disclose several ancient Professors sitting round a large oak table. The scene represents a Council Room. The Professors all have long white beards, and little fat corporations.

The Students approach the table circumspectly, the men on the left and the girls on the right. The Professors stand up solemnly facing the audience.

Chorus
Hopeless, useless, witless we -
Intellects depress us!
Pity our simplicity,
Miserable Professors!

Each naughty joke
And doubtful jest
And risque verse
Must be suppressed
We must deter
This moral rot;
The times have changed
But we have not!

Hopeless, useless, witless we -
Intellects depress us!
Pity our simplicity
Miserable Professors!

(The Professors turn left together, inspect the male students dis-dainfully and turn away in disgust; they then turn right, and inspect the girls with great interest. They make a few tentative steps towards them, then stop, and giggle bashfully)

Male Students
Oh! harken, ye of mighty station
Our claims demand investigation!

Professors
(Studying girls' anatomy intently)
I think they're right in their oration
These do demand investigation!

Female Students
(Cuddling closer.)
Come now, Professors dear, I know,
You'll let us have our Capping show.

Professors
(Kissing them)
Well darlings, if you put it so,
We'll let you have your Capping Show!

All

Hurrah!

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Prots Men Girls Batter position Arms round each others son waists Prots Men Final Chorus position

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(The girls and Professors link arms alternatively and come to the front of the stage. The men students stand in a diagonal line at either side of the stage.

While singing the following choras, The girls perform a high-kicking ballet; and the Professors study them carefully, and attempt to imitate them.)

Chorus
We want to say "Good Evening",
And gaily welcome you
With bright romance
And song and dance
As generally We do!

We want to say "Good Evening"
And sing our songs to you -
Our art employ
To fill with joy
The coming hour or two.

We want to say "Good Evening"
With ecstasy we glow,
For happily
The powers that be
Have blessed our Capping show!

Quick Curtain.

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24 Tabs Leagues Adam Pasley gutt Davers Leeubs Charlton

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Addresses. Home Ballet Alison Armour Wellington College. 52.827 Berys Ball vuc 27.199 Jane Cummns Euening Post 26.393 Rosamona Drammona Naaio (?) School 40.875 Lila Marshall Training College 50.936 Margaret Merlet Muritai School 40.875 kathleen Slater Chanalor & Co 63.943 Betty Stubbs. Training College 26:897 Professors Agar R.S.C. H.F.O'Leary K.C. 37.645 Adams, J.S. Wilberfoss a harding 45.012 Barnett, G. Barnett & Barnett 28.118 Davies, G. T. Meteorological office 43-897 Hamilton, K.P. Legal Dion P.W.D. 26.044 Ilott, J.U. Ilott & Co 43-334 Students Charlton, R Training College 16-42-4 Combs, F.S Training College 16-448 Creea, O. J. Records Dion C.P.O. 45.012 Dixon, A Clarke 26.127 Dixon, K. 26.127 Eleming, J. A.M.P. McLeod. W. Magistrates' Court 45.012 Pasley, P.G. hUNT, tURNER & hESLOP 26.283 Robertson Drl. B.N.S.W. 45-012 Ballet Cora Duncan Dominion museum 50.364 Costumes Kathleen Ross Turnbull Library Music Bob Goldfinch Pat Engineer's Dept. 26.438