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Act II

Scene:

Post Office Square, and showing corner of Pier not and in National Club.

Characters:

Old King Cole, on soapbox, addressing crowd. Five citizehs in crowd speak.

Cole:

Ladies and gentlemen, during the last, few eeeks a wave of confidence in the Labour movement has swept the country from Bluff to Cape Maria.

Cit 1:

The Black Maria. Have you been nabbed again?

Cole:

The politics of the Home Country have been revolution to the plans of Sir William Beveridge. I take off my hat to William Beveridge. (Takes off Hat).

Cit 2:

What about our New Zealand beverage? Isn't it time you up the beer here?

Cole:

Your suggestion has my earnest support, but I fear a amount of opposition from my friend and colleague, Mr lazer He is, I regret to say, not a drinking man.

Cit 3:

No, but he's drained the country dry.

Cole:

Look at Labour's war effort. We've done away with [unclear: pro]

Cit 4:

What about ten per cent plus contracts?

Cit 5:

What about Civil Service overtime? What about the paper shortage?

Cole:

The paper shortage? The paper shortage will be relieved only when the Eighth Army have reduced Rommel to a pulp. And look at the wonderful war effort of the workers. Look what watersiders have done. The Waterfront Control Commission galvanised the wharves. I take off my hat to the wharfier

(Takes off Hat).

Cit 1:

The soldiers are doing the work. You're not paying them time and a half, are you? And talking of soldiers, weren't thos binoculars a gift to the Army?

Cole:

That's a foul and contemptible lie. Only a muckraker would a thing like that. These binoculars belonged to Herry Holl.

Cit 2:

Can't you see his memorial without them?

Cole:

The whole country owes a debt of gratitude to the mines take off my hat to the miners. (Takes off Hat).

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Why, only the other day, just think, he offered to help if [unclear: any] of my Waccs needed anything. He's such a dear. And the way he looks at them. I am sure he really means what he says. But not dear people, I want to tell you how much the Labour Government has done for women, especially young women. (Laughter) I mean it's done more for young women than most of you realise. The maternity benefits have solved all our problems. Just think, you can have a baby now for 7/6.

Cit 1:

Any reduction on twins?

Cit 2:

How much Not to have one?

Mrs Sc:

Women are making themselves felt in industry and transport. They're on the trains, on the trains on the buses ---

Cit 3:

On the streets.

Mrs Sc:

Women are filling places they have never filled before.

Cit 4:

Like the battledress trousers.

Mrs. Sc:

Yes, women are wearing the pants. And they won't take them off till they've won the war.

Cit 5:

I've seen some that seemed to have won the war already.

Mrs Sc:

And then, there's the land girls.

Cit 1:

What, more girls landed?

Mrs Sc:

And don't forget the Post girls. Looking after the country's mails.

page 2 Cit 3:

When were you last down the mine, Daddy?

Cole:

All my life I've been up and down mines. Mind your own business. And I take off my hat to the slaughtermen, (Takes off [unclear: The] The whole country owes a debt of gratitude to the freezing workers. Too long have they been given the cold shoulder.

Cit 4:

God's frozen people, eh?

Enter [unclear: MRS] Scowlett, Escorted by Men Waacs.

Mrs Sc:

Leave 'em to me, Paddy. I'll fix 'em.

Cole:

(Using Binoculars) Ah, my friend, the lady commandant of Waacs. (Takes off Hat).

Cit 1:

If that's all you can take off you [unclear: Con't] do any harm.

Cole:

Would you care to use my soapbox, Mrs Scowett?

Mrs Sc:

Thank you, thank you, my dear friend. I must thank my old friend Paddy. He's such a dear. I do hope you'll vote for him Why, only the other day, just think, he offered to help if [unclear: air] of my Waccs needed anything. He's such a dear. And the way he looks at them. I am sure he really means what he says. But not dear people, I want to tell you how much the Labour Government has done for women, especially young women. (Laughter) I [unclear: can] it's done more for young women than most of you realise. The maternity benefits have solved all our problems. Just think, you can have a baby now for 7/6.

Cit 1:

Any reduction on twins?

Cit 2:

How much Not to have one?

Mrs Sc:

Women are making themselves felt in industry and transport. They're on the trams, on the trains, on the buses ---

Cit 3:

On the streets.

Mrs Sc:

Women are filling places they have never filled before.

Cit 4:

Like the battledress trousers.

Mrs. Sc:

Yes, women are wearing the pants. And they won't take them off till they've won the war.

Cit 5:

I've seen some that seemed to have won the war already.

Mrs Sc:

And then, there's the land girls.

Cit 1:

What, more girls landed?

Mrs Sc:

And don't forget the Post girls. Looking after the country's mails.

page 3 Cit 2:

We can look after ourselves.

Mrs Sc:

And a poor job you've made of it. If it wasn't for the women the Japs would have been here long ago.

Cit 3:

They knew you were here. That's why they didn't come.

Mrs Sc:

We'll keep New Zealand free ---

Cit 4:

A free for all --- like the Waldorf.

Mrs Sc:

We and my sister organisations, the W.A.A.F.'s and the W. R. E. N.'s.

Cit 4:

And the S.P.W.C.

Mrs Sc:

That's a new one. What is it?

Cit 5:

The Society for the Prevention of Women and Children.

Mrs Sc:

You don't believe me. I'll show you what my girls [unclear: can do] Come on, girls, shake a leg.

(Waac Men's Burlesque Ballet)

page 3 Cit 2:

We can look after ourselves.

Mrs Sc:

And a poor job you've made of it. If it wasn't for the [unclear: cure] the Japs would have been here long ago.

Cit 3:

They knew you were here. That's why they didn't come.

Mrs Sc:

We'll keep New Zealand free ---

Cit 4:

A free for all --- like the Waldorf.

Mrs Sc:

We and my sister organisations, the W.A.A.F.'s and the XXXXXX W. R. E. N.'s

Cit 4:

And the S.P.W.C.

Mrs Sc:

That's a new one. What is it?

Cit 5:

The Society for the Prevention of Women and Children.

Mrs Sc:

You don't believe me. I'll show you what my girls can do. Come on, girls, shake a leg.

(Waac Men's Burlesque Ballet) 'Don't Sit under the Apple tree'

(Short)

Alter Cash Pushes Through Crowd with Bags, Papers.

Cit 1:

Who are you pushing, mate?

Alter:

Let me through. I've got important news.

Cit 2:

Why, it's Alter Cash himself.

Cit 3:

I thought he was in New Caledonia.

Alter:

As a matter of fact, I've just come back from the States for the election. Friends, I bring you wonderful news. The Government of the United States has, this moment, agreed to my proposals that bigger and better wrestlers be sent to this country after the war from the States.

Woman:

I must have met the advance guard on Lambton Quay.

Alter:

We must give our great American allies a free hand.

Woman:

Give an American a free hand and he'll put it all over you.

Alter:

And friends, I have further good news. Last week I was in Moscow, and our great Russian allies have agreed to my proposals.

Cit 1:

What did you propose, Wally?

Alter:

Proposals to establish an underwear factory.

Cit 2:

Underwear factory?

Alter:

Yes, a second front.

Alter:

But harking back to the election, I want to make the issue clear. It's finance that's going to win this war. And the page 4 Russ ian bank is printing hundreds and thousands of notes to do it. The response to my Lost Liberty Loa n week was amazing

Cit 2:

What about a Leave - me - alone - Week?

Alter:

My friend, you are not on your honeymoon. There's a war on. And then, there's National Savings.

Cit 1:

Nash'll take your savings.

Alter:

In America, they were astonished at what we had done. As I said to my dear friend, Eleanor, Roosevelt you know, it takes the glamour of American femininity to bring out the best in a man. I was as much at home in the White House as in the -- the [unclear: Pier.]

Cit 3:

We've never seen you appear there.

Alter:

We've got a new legation.

Cit 1:

How much did it cost?

Alter:

30,000 dollars.

Alter:

I had a new car.

Cit 1:

How much did it cost?

Alter:

10,000 dollars. I had lunch with Mae West.

Cit 1:

You certainly keep abreast of the times. And how much did that cost?

Alter:

5000 dollars. I shook hands with the President of the United States.

Cit 1:

How much did that cost?

Alter:

2000 dollars.

Cit 2:

Who's paying for all this?

Alter:

You are. And we and the boys'll show you how.

(Alter, Cole, Bob (Gestures) Sing "Deep in the Heart of Tanes."

1.
We fight all the Japs,
And take the raps,
Deep in the heart of Tanes.

2.
To dodge the crash,
Put all your cash,
Deep in the heart of Tanes.

3.
I've dug the grave,
For all you save,
Deep in the heart of Tanes.

4.
Your next month's rent,
Has just been spent,
Deep in the heart of Tanes.

5.
Your extra clothes,
We need all those,
Deep in the heart of Tanes.

page 5

6.
So feel no shame,
I take the blame,
Deep in the heart of Tanes.

7.
If you go bare,
I don't much care,
Deep in the heart of Tanes.

8.
For your poor rags,
Mean money bags,
Deep in the heart of Tanes.

Exeunt Cash, Bob to Pier Hotel.

Enter Mrs Prigg from National club, Leading Holland Dressed as School-Boy.

Cit 1:

Who've you got there, Mrs Prigg?

Mrs Prigg:

Don't worry about him. That's Sidney Holland. He's just the boy about the place. Now you've been listening [unclear: to the fairy tales of] the Labour Party. Don't believe a word of them. The Labour Party have put you in the mess you're in now. The National. Party will get you out of it. The Labour Party made you wear those posterity suits.

Cit:

What a terrible legacy for the next generation.

Mrs Prigg:

(Sarcastically): Hand me down my reach-me-downs. And just look what the housewives have to put up with. The farmers get - for their produce. The retailer makes --- And you pay -----

Cole:

Madam, if I were your husband, I'd poison you.

Mrs Prigg:

Sir, if I were your wife, I'd take it. An army of Price Tribunal Inspectors slink like the Gestapo through the land And talking of the Gestapo, where's Major Faulkes?

Cit 4:

He's with the old folks at home, I suppose.

Mrs. Prigg:

And time he was sent there, too.

Enter Muckrake

Mrs Prigg:

But here's a man who will tell you how our civil liberties have been stifled. My friends, the Rev. Muckrake.

Muckrake Replaces Mrs Prigg on Stand.

Muck:

Parade, 'shun.

Sorry, folks, I've been shocked into a military frame of mind. I bring you a new policy. But before I introduce it, I'd like to recite to you this pleasing little verse which caught my [unclear: ear.]

Crowd:

'Ear, 'ear.

page 6 Muck:

(Recites)

This is the tale of a man in the street,
A nice old fellow, and still on his feet.
Your sympathies now he hopes he will steal,
And be more successful than in his appeal.
Your friendship will lighten his poor weary load,
As we journey together on the friendly road.

Now, the sentiment in this appealed to me.

Cit 5:

You're hot stuff on this appealing, aren't you?

Muck:

As I see it, this country should return to the simple homely life of our forebears. Nothing becomes a man more than the dignity of labour.

Cit 4:

That's why you joined the Auckland Waterside Workers.

Cit 3:

No fear. 8/6 an hour and the Hon Dave Wilson were what induced him to join.

Muck:

Let us have an open-door policy for broadcasting.

Cit 2:

Have you picked the lock on your door yet, Scrim?

Muck:

I've said it before, and I say it again. One man can run the two services for half the salary. Put Shelley on the shelf.

Cit 1:

That's a shelfish suggestion.

Cit 2:

What party do you stand for?

Muck:

Well, all the offers haven't come in yet. But you can rest assured that I can use the best. To be union conscious is not enough. Only the happy blending of the material with the spiritual bringeth about the full life. I rather like this.

Enter Lazer with Policeman.

Lazer:

Avaunt, begone, you wicked cur, away;

This gentle crowd, it'll never be your prey.

Isn't that a nice thought.

Enter Man with Microphone.

Lazer:

People of New Zealand. The time has now come when we must look before us and behind, and make a complete survey of the dangers that beset us. The people of New Zealand have developed bad habits of intemperance and self-indulgence. All I ask is a spirit of willing sacrifice and self denial, I myself deny that the union secretaries run this country. I and my colleagues only take their advice when we deem it both necessary and relevant. We will guard and defend the State from its enemies without and within. And in this connection, you may well ask why I am speaking from a national hook-up rather page break [unclear: then from 2ZB. It is this. You have seen than the Rev. ckrake As still at large. Naturally, the nation office is losed duzing this perduct. Or course. I am not liberty to divulge all the details about the light will have developed into a al situation].

Cit 1:

[unclear: There's too much political consership in this country.]

Cit 2:

[unclear: You took a postmen and made him a censor. What's the sense that?]

Lazer:

We're not sensitive [unclear: about that He's very sound man. And] ours is a sound policy. [unclear: And you cannot do better than rem] me and my colleagues at the election. Support Labour because Labour has a plan.

Cole:

I have great pleasure in moving a vote of confidence in the Labour Party. [unclear: Will somebody second that].?

Seven Seconds Silence

Cit 1:

[unclear: This is what we think of the Labour Party. This is all we've got to their you for. Come on boys tall them].

[unclear: All Sing Nehanks for the Memory]."

Crowd Advances on Lazer. Threatening.

Cit 1:

[unclear: That's what we think of you and your policy].

Cit 2:

[unclear: We're not going to vote for you].

Cit 3:

[unclear: Down with the gasbags].

Cit 4:

[unclear: What'll we do with them boys].

Cit 1:

[unclear: We'll conseript them].

Cit 2:

[unclear: Let them right that war instead of talking about it].

Cit 3:

[unclear: We'll and them to the Middle East].

[unclear: Uproar]

[unclear: Curtain]