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The Plutocrats [1937]

Epilogue

page break

Epilogue.

(As soon as possible after the quick curtain, it rises again to display the two beer barrels and the scene as described in the Prologue. The Ministers are sitting in two rows as before, rubbing their eyes. They sing in a sleepy voice gradually growing louder. Mr Sausage is sitting on the back barrel holding the scroll.)

Chorus.
Labour Ministers.
Drink, brothers, drink, never think, raise your steins-
Drink brothers, drink and obliterate your minds
We have woken it would seem
From a dream
Of smoke and steam-
Clearly that is not the way
To manage our regime.

Mr. Sausage.

And now for the final bill of the evening - the Studant's Suppression Act. It has come to our large and august ears that certain students have been caricaturing the rulers of our beloved country. Such a practis is dangerous - very dangerous - because they're generally right.

Chorus of Ministers.
Drink, brothers, drink, never think, raise your stains,
Drink brothers, drink, and obliterate your minds,
Students we have often guessed
Are a pest
At their best
Clearly it is common sense
That they should be suppressed!

(The drop curtain rises quickly, to disclose the whole company assembled neatly before the great arch, ready for the final chorus)

Final Chorus (Very loud)
Drink, brothers, drink, never think - raise your steins,
Drink brothers, drink, and obliterate your minds.
Students we have often guessed
Are a pest
At their best
Clearly it is common sense
That they should be suppressed!

Final Curtain.

page 2

Although we look, A most unholy brood,
We always you with solicitude;
We watch you fry, And prod you gently here (Slap behinds).
With heartfelt sigh. And sympathetic tear.
We never smoke, we never drink, We never even try to think -
We're the Executive etc, etc.

The Witches' Chorus (To same air).
When we appear, We somehow feel that you
Will think that we're A rather doubtfull crew -
From narrow paths, We never never stray;
We have our baths, On every Saturday.
We love the birdies and the trees, The willows waving in the breeze.
We are the Belles of Hell, Pretty little witches,
Inhabiting the ditches, Simple loving little souls,
We are the Belles of Hell, We are the Belles of Hell,
Lovely little ladies, Ornamenting Hades;
Innocent and happy folk, - We are the Belles of Hell.

Although we seem, A little bit uncouth,
You'd never dream, The soul-inspiring truth -
On no excuse, Do we stay out at night;
We're never loose, And we're never tight!
We never stray, We never dance; We knit bed-socks for maiden aunts -
We are the Bellas of Hell etc, etc.

Chorus for Gilbert's Song. "The numerous cliques"
Executive and Witches.
Work, work, oh, for some work!
The strain is beginning to tell,
We demons, (Sung by Exec.)
and witches (Sung by witches).
All know what the hitch is,
Too much unemployment in Hell!

Chorus For Gilbert's Song. "In fiery chariot winging"

Executive and Witches.

1. Tremble!

For while the skies are flaming
The thunder is acclaiming
The might of the Demon King!

2. Tremble!

As fast as light - or faster
Speeds our awful Master -
Behold the Demon King.

3. Tremble!

In silent dread we cower
Before his mighty power
All hail, oh Demon King.

Song. Mr Nemesis And Chorus.

Nem.

For - I am the Demon King!

Chorus

Hurrah for the Demon King

Nem.

And it is rather a boring thing
To be the Demon King!
For - I am the Demon King!

Chorus

Hurrah for the Demon King!

Nem.

Though it is sometimes a ghastly thing
To be the Demon King.

Chorus.

It is - Hurrah for the Demon King
Hurrah for the Demon King.

page 4

Chorus by Executive.
All hail Oh Mash?. How great thy sense!
How exquisite, Thy cerpulence!

And hail. Oh Sausage! Fount of grace,
How like an angel's Is thy face!

Chorus by Labour Ministers.

We are the flowers etc. (as on top P.l).

Chorus by Devil's Own.

We are the dames etc. (as on P. 3 halfway down).

Chorus by Labour Ministers.
Oh, the Romans at parties were constantly canned,
And Grecian carousals enlivened the land,
But in greater profusion the liquor will splash
At the banquet of Sausage and Mash!

Oh jelly and trifles will shortly appear,
There's wine in abundance and buckets of beer;
There's jolly and succulent hash,
At the banquet of Sausage and Mash.

Oh the Viking debauches were generally long,
And the drink they imbibed was exceedingly strong,
But longer and stronger the "liquor will splash
At the banquet of Sausage and Mash.

Oh, the trumpets will blare and the symbals will crash,
At the wonderful banquet of Sausage and Mash;
There's juicy poloney and succulent hash
At the banquet of Sausage and Mash.

Chorus by Ministers.

All hail Oh Mash etc, as on P, 4. above.

Duet by Muddle and Fuddle with three lines for Chorus.
(Cue) May all prohobitionists die!
To that we add fervently "Amen."
Your voices lift up to the sky,
And sing with all the jovial barmen!
(Chorus all sing)
Oh, whisky Sir? Its risky, Sir -
Makes you rather frisky, Sir;
Brandy, Sir? Its handy Sir, But apt to knock you bandy Sir;
Come, Sir, a rum Sir? Something with a kick Sir?
Here Sir, a beer Sir? Come and take your pick Sir.

Song with Chorus by Charon.
Down in Hawaii, hula Maidens, Dance beneath the Glittering stars
Dance to the soft delightful cadence Of melodious quitars.
(Chorus). Repeat last line.
Charon.
Emulate them, darling Daisy! Dance to the melody of guitars
You should find it very easy Sway your hips in manner lazy.
(Chorus) Erulate us darling Daisy, Sway your hips in manner lazy/and state
Charon. Oh waggle your behind with gracious ease/Strike an attitude nice
Do not wobble at the knees, stand erect and bow sedately.
Now with sinuous twist bend over, Gently sway with seductive grace.
Dance as lightly as Pavlova, A smile of contentment on your face.
(Chor) Repeat last line.
Charon Shyly blushing, coyly glancing, Glide impressively, Daisy dear.

page break

Opening Chorus.
Labour Ministers.
We are the flowers of the aristocracy;
We are the peers of the Labour Ministry:
We can confidently state
We legislate
While you want
Every Bill we get by five. Is finished with by eight!

Wizards of finance, the rulers of the State,
With careless abandon we gaily legislate.
We're afraid that our regime
Oft may seem
Like a dream -
We've a process which we deem, a most effective scheme.

Our creation -
Innovation -
Alcoholic legislation -
Thought's a waste of time.

Drink, brothers, drink. - never think - raise your steins,
Drink, brothers, drink - and obliterate your minds.
Here's a Bill that's rather new
Now on view -
What's to do?
We don't know what it's about, But we will let it through!

Minister's Chorus. (First change).
Drink, brothers, drink - never think - raise your steins,
Drink, brothers, drink - and obliterate your minds.
We should say it would be gay
If it would stay
Always day -
Such an advantageous Bill, We'll put through right away!

Ministers Chorus. (Second change).
Drink, brothers, drink - never think - raise your steins;
Drink., brothers., drink - and obliterate your minds
Here's a pretty little Act
That, in fact.
Will attract...
Clearly it is common sense - Employers should be sacked!

Ministers Chorus (Third change)
(Sane first two lines) Drink, brothers, etc.,
We have always thought it queer
That our beer
was so dear.
Clearly it's the proper time. For us to interfere.

Second Chorus.
The Executive.
Our aspect 's stern, It cannot be denied;
But you will learn, We're Love personified:
You'd be surprised... We've little winning ways;
We've realised That kindness always pays.
Cur welling tears will not stay hid, When you are squirming on the grid.
We're the Executive Loving little creatures
With pre cossessing features, Monuments of innocence -
We're the Executive, We're the Executive
Paragone of virtue; We would never hurt you,
He command's and we obey, For We're the Executive.

page 3

Chorus Executive and Witches
Oh yonder billows tossing Behold the smartest craft afloat,
The streamlined Saygian ferry boat. With Charon at the prow.
Rapture!
Our hearts are palpitating: Is this the end of waiting?
We go Oh Demon King'

Chorus Executive and Witches.
Here's Charon the Sailor man. The Stygian Sailor man;
The figure we bean on our shoulder is Charon
The Stygian Sailor man

Chorus. The Plutocrats (Inside packing case).
Bump, Bump, Bump, along the highway. Packed like sardines in a tin;
Bruised and bent along the highway, Battered worn and thin.
(Emerging from packing case).
Bump - bump;bump, along the gangway, Everybody battered to the bone,
And stark a, d stiff and co..d. :We languished in the hold,
And we sailed to parts unknown. Yes we sailed to parts unknown, bilge.

Roll, roll, roll, the ship was rocking Mournfully we floated in the
Our self control was shocking. Every one was ill.

Bump, bump, bump, along the gangway. All of us decidedly unwell.
But now we fairly [unclear: sme].... A horrid, sulphur smell.
We've at least arrived in Hell We've at last arrived in Hell!

Chorus and Ballet, by the Devil's own.
We are the dames. Who [unclear: fro] in the flames...
Everyone exclaims. "See their little games"
Exotic and alluring as a scented Courus flower.
You'd be astounded at our Unholy [unclear: sublle] power.
To make Man cringe and [unclear: cowe].

We are the fe Males of [unclear: notoriety].
Totally free From respectability
Our manner is ingenuous, our morals rather queer;
Really our love is [unclear: freer]. Than would at first appear.
To anyone down here

Chorus with Ballet by the Executive.
Oh, lot the welkin ring, [unclear: of], blow the pipes and tabor!
In exultation sing, A hymn of praise to labour!
On an intellectual basis. We've modernised our realm;
It's now the best of places. With Sausage at the helm, tails.
But there's one sphere where Labour fails, it can't control our errant/

They get in a terrible tangle. We can never keep them at bay.
At a most inconvenient angle, Our caudal appendages dangle.
Our caudal appendages stray.

Oh, Thunp the rumbling Drum (Drum)
Oh, Play the concertina (Accordion if possible).
Our region has become. Conspicuously cleaner.
We're most progressive pupils. (For Mr Mash has said it).
We gaily waive our scruples, And [unclear: ive] on boundless credit!
But one thing credit cannot do Conceal our wandering tails from view.

They get in a terrible tangle etc, etc.

Another sphere where Labour fails. It can't control our errant tails.

They get in a terrible [unclear: angle] etc, etc.

page 1

Duet Sausage and Mash.
[unclear: doing] well
[unclear: are] Hell
[unclear: We up] stages-
[unclear: pend]
[unclear: n rr on]
[unclear: he any her] wages.

Both:

[unclear: higher] - higher-
[unclear: hour her] wages.

[unclear: bold] and free
[unclear: se ngs] are we.
Oh, Hail with loud magnificats
[unclear: he] stper - magnificent plutocrats!

Mash:

Loving and wise,
Each of us tries
To emilate the ancient sages.
Through our regime,
This is our scheme -
Forty hours and higher wages.

Both:

Higher - higher - higher - higher -
Forty hours and higher wages.

Now we've at last achieved success
Gail we turn the printing press.
Oh, Hill, with loud magnificats
The super - magnificent Plutocrats!

Duet
Scrounger and Belley.
By the time we are through,
The programmes well strew
With recitals and studies Symphonic
And high brow contraltos
and opera altos
Will warble in Dutch and Slavonic.
You'll find Mr. Brahms
Has ethereal charms -
When the taste is aquired its Elysian!
And Strauss interwoven
With bite of Beethoven
Will liven our daily transmission.

(Coming forward, and speaking confidentially to the audience)

Though we weem so stiff and starchy,
Our tastes are really pleb -
We worship Frank and Archie
And rejoice in Eb and Zeb.

What rapture to hark
To the music of Bach
And [unclear: Wagnecin] etudes operatic!
And often a band II
Play pieces of Handell
And fill us with pleasure ecstatic.
Pianoe will play
Every hour of the day
Innumerable fugues and toccatas,
[unclear: ers]
[unclear: are to]
[unclear: ic coatas]

page 2

Oh my manic not a man like that!
No, not a man like that!
Oh won't it be delicious
If he does something vicious
Oh my man's not a man like that!

Oh, my man's not a man like that!
George Walker is a man like that!
You should have seen the hold he
Once got on Joe Savoldi -
Oh my man's not a man like that!

Song With Chorus (Stanley Sausage)
Our lilies we sniff with a languid grace,
A vacant expression on our face-
See.

All:

Aesthetics are we.
Aesthetics are we.

Sausage:

We adore surrealistic art
And our intellect we impart
Free

All:

Aesthetic are we.
Aesthetic are we.

Sausage:

For now, you see
Aesthetic are we
In true high art - whatever that be -
For we're aesthetic and poetic -
Intensely dense
Aesthetic are we.

All:

For now, you see
Aesthetic are we
In true high art - whatever that be -
For we're aesthetic and poetic -
Intensely dense
Aesthetic are we!
Aesthetic are we!

page 3

Chorus Executive and Witches.
On yonder billows teasing. Behold the smartest craft afloat,
The streamlined Stygian ferry. With Charon at the prow.
Rapture!
Our hearts are palpitatin is this the end of waiting?
We go, Oh Demon King!

[unclear: Tive] and [unclear: Witches]
Here's Damon, the Sailor man. The Stygian Sailor man;
The figure we bear on our shoulder is Charon,
The Stygien Sailor man.

Chorus, The [unclear: Plutor] (Inside packing case).
Bump, Bump, Bump, along the highway, Packed like sardines in a tin;
Bruised and bent along the highway. Battered worn and thin.
(Emerging from packing case.
Bump, bump, bump, along the gangway, Everybody battered to the bone,
And stark a, d stiff and cold. We languished in the hold,
And we railed to parts unknown. Yes we sailed to parts unknown.
bilge.

Roll, roll, roll, the ship was rocking. Mournfully we floated in the
Our self-control was shocking, Every one was ill.

Bump, bump, bump, along the gangway, all of us decidedly unwell.
But now we fairly smell, A horrid, sulphur smell.
We've at last arrived in Hell; We've at last arrived in Hell!

Chorus and Balle, by the Devil's Own.
We are the dames, Who frolie in the flames -
Everyone exclaims, "See their little games",
Erotic and alluring as a scented lotus flower,
You'd be astounded at our Unholy subile power,
To make Man cringe and cowon!

We are the fe- Males of notoriety.
Totally free From respectability!
Our manner is ingenuous - our morals rather queer;
Really our love is freer. Than would at first appear,
To anyone down here.

Chorus with Ballet by the Executive.
Oh, let the wellin ring, of, blow the pipes and tabor!
In exuisation sing. A hymn of praise to labour!
On an intellectual basis. We've modernised our realm;
It's now the best of places. With Sausage at the helm.
tails.
But there's one sphere where Labour fails, It can't control our errant/

They get in a terrible tangle, we can never keep them at bay.
At a most inconvenient angle, Our caudal appendages dangle.
Our caudal appendages stray.

Oh, Thump the rumbling Drum (Drum)
Oh, Play the concertina (Accordion if possible).
Our region has become. Conspicuously cleaner.
We're most progressive pupils,(For Mr Mash has said it),
We gaily waive our scruples, And live on boundless, credit!
But one thing credit cannot do conceal our wandering tails from view.

They get in a terrible tangle etc, etc.

Another sphere where Labour fails, It can't control our errant tails.

They get in a terrible tangle etc, etc.