The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 11 (March 1, 1928)
Wit and Humour
Wit and Humour
“English as She is Spoke.”
A speaker at a recent election meeting said: “Our opponents charge us with being incompetent. We may be. They claim to be efficient. Ladies and gentlemen, I affirm that all the efforts of their efficiency fade into utter insignificance when compared with the results of our incompetency!”
* * *
No Terminal Facilities.
It was said of a certain speaker that he had many virtues, but he had one great fault which spoiled him: He had no terminal facilities.
* * *
Speech by the New Mayor.
“I mean to follow in the footsteps of my successor, and to do all in my power for the detriment of my native town.”
* * *
Generally Speaking.
Generally speaking, women are generally speaking.
* * *
No Hope.
Candidate: “ …and I hope your husband will support me. Mrs. Miff?”
Mrs. Miff: “Support you? Why, 'e ain't supported me for over a year.”
* * *
An Excellent Aim.
A certain dear old lady always made it her business to visit the poor patients in the hospital.
On one occasion she approached a much-bandaged individual who was sitting up in bed, and after a little preliminary talk she said to him, very sympathetically:
“I suppose your wife must miss you a good deal.”
“No, mum,” came the prompt reply; “she's got a wonderful aim for a woman.”
* * *
Well Worth It.
The two lovers passed through the tunnel in a full compartment. No sound broke the silence to indicate the depth of their happiness, but as they emerged into the light they were flushed.
He: “I understand that this tunnel cost £1,000,000.”
She: “It was worth it all George.”
* * *
Was It Strategy?
“Strategy,” declared Murphy, up for examination, “is when you don't let the enemy discover that you are out of ammunition, but keep on flring.”
* * *
Learning by Wrecking.
“How long did it take you to learn to drive a motor-car?”
“Oh, three or four.”
“Weeks?”
[gap — reason: illegible]