The Eternal Quest.

Unemployed: “Can you give me a job where I can keep dressed up all the time and won't have to work?”

Mr. Keating: “I'll keep you in mind, and when I find two jobs like that you can have the other one.

(From “Aussie.)
The Plumber who went Fishing.

* * *

At the Station.

“And you'll be careful, dear, won't you, about getting out when you reach London? I think you'll get out this side. Anyhow, you'll see when you get there, and, if it's not this side, then, dear, it's sure to be the other.”—(From “Punch.”)

* * *

The Reason Why.

Mother: Billy, why are you making your little brother cry?

Billy: I'm not. He's dug a hole and he's crying because he can't bring it into the house.

* * *

The Dutchman and His Dog.

A Dutchman, addressing his dog, says: “My tog, you haf a snapp. You vas ondly a tog, and I vas a man, but I vish I vas you. You every vay haf de best of it. Ven you go mit to bed you just turn round t'ree times and lay down. Ven I go mit to bed I haf to lock up de place, vind up de clock, put de cat oudt, undress myself, and den my vife up and scold me, and de baby cry, and I valk up and down, and den maybe ven I just go to sleep it's time to get up again.

“Ven you get up you just stretch yourself and den scratch yourself a couple of times and den you vas up. I haf to light de fire, put de kettle on, scrap some vid my vife, and maybe get some breakfast.

“You play all day and haf plenty of vun. I vork all day and haf plenty of drouble. Ven you die you vas dead. Ven I die I'se got to go to hell yet.”

* * *

Putting it Over.

Pat: “Well, Mike, I fooled the boss to-day.”

Mike: “How's that?”

Pat: “Well, I carried the same hodful of bricks up and down the ladder all day, and the boss thought I was working.”

* * *

Greater Love Hath No Man.

Enginedriver's Sweetheart: “And do you always think of me during your long night trips?”

“Do I? I've wrecked two trains that way already!”

“Oh, you darling!”

* * *

Quick Casualty.

Daughter: “Did you have many many love affairs daddy?”

Soldier Father: “No, child; I fell in the first engagement.”