Dad Knows.

Young mathematician: “Mum, do you know how to get the cubic contents of a barrel.?”

His Mother: “No, ask your father.”

* * *

Fatal Fault.

Inquisitive Woman (eyeing catch): “Oh, poor little fish.”

Annoyed Angler: Well, madam, if he'd kept his mouth shut he wouldn't have got into trouble.

* * *

Healthy Exercise.

He: “Are you fond of moving pictures, Jennie?”

She (hopefully): “Aye, Sandy.”

He: “Then maybe, lass, ye'll help me get half a dozen doon out o' the attic.”

* * *

Rose To The Bait.
I don't know what you call them, Hori, but these fish of yours are mighty high.”
“Py corry—mus' be flying fish, eh!”

Strategy.

Customer: “To what do you owe your extraordinary success as a house-to-house salesman?”

Salesman: “To the first five words I utter when a woman opens the door—‘Miss, is your mother in?’”

* * *

A Simple Sum.

There is a porter at a station near Aberdeen who estimates that on the average he handles the luggage of thirty-six passengers a day.

“And,” he remarked, “if each of those passengers would increase his tip by one penny, my average daily takings would amount to three shillings!”

Magistrate: “And you were having words with your wife?”

Defendant: “Not with'er, Your Honour, from 'er.

* * *

From Aburr-deen.

Jock (in outfitter's shop): “How much are these collars?”

Assistant: “Two for half-a-crown.”

Jock: “How much will one cost?”

Assistant: “Eighteen pence.”

Jock: “Then I'll take the other one.”

* * *

Install a Speedometer

Landlady: “And what's wrong now?”

Youthful Lodger: “I just wanted to say that I think you get too much mileage out of this roller-towel.”

* * *

Overheard in the Train.

Lady of commanding appearance returns to her seat in the train and finds it occupied by a small man reading a paper: “Sir, I'm sitting there!”

Looking up placidly, he replied: “Madam, pray remain seated.”

* * *

Laboratory Work.

“Gentlemen,” said the professor, “this is one of the most dangerous experiments known to science. The slightest mishap and the experimenter will be blown to atoms. I will now step into the next room while my assistant performs the experiment.”