Off the Rails.

A man who had been enjoying himself, not wisely, but too well, wandered up the railway platform to the signalbox door.

For some moments he gazed in stupefaction at the signalman pulling over the levers.

Then, gradually, a smile of understanding came over his face, and he exclaimed, “Mine's a beer!”

* * *

When Pain is Joy.

“Think of something very nice,” said the dentist as he started to drill, “then you won't notice the pain.”

The patient did not move.

“Splendid! What did you think about?”

“Well, I thought my boss was here in my place.”

* * *

After the Party.

Wife: “Aren't you ashamed to come home at this time of night—it has just struck one.”

Husband: “Don't be so foolish—it can't strike less than one, can it?”

* * *

A Housing Problem.

“That house I have taken from you,” said the dissatisfied tenant, “is horribly draughty. When I am sitting in the middle of the room my hair blows all over my head. Can't you do something about the windows?”

“Don't you think, sir,” replied the agent suavely, “it would be easier and cheaper for you to get your hair cut?”

* * *

The Remedy!

Doctor: “Show me your tongue again, please. Thank you; now keep it out till I've finished speaking.”

* * *