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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 13, Issue 1 (April 1, 1938.)

Modern Meals

Modern Meals.

Teacher (at cookery class): “Now, in getting a meal, what is the first and most important thing?”

Class (in chorus): “Find the tin-opener.”

* * *

Not Broken In!

Dealer: “Shall I send the clotheshorse you ordered?”

Customer: “Send it! Did you think I intended to ride it home?”

* * *

Wonders of the Mind.

Tom: “You couldn't lend me a fiver till to-morrow, could you?”

Dick: “What a thought-reader you are!”

Teaching a Husband.

A woman had not been feeling at all well. She decided at last to consult a specialist. “You are just a little run down, madam,” pronounced the great man, after making a careful examination. “You need frequent baths and plenty of fresh air. I would also advise you to dress in the coolest, most comfortable clothes. Remember, nothing formal.

The woman returned home.

“Well, dear,” asked her husband, “what was the specialist's opinion?”

“He said that I must go to the seaside, do a lot of motoring, and get some new dresses.” she replied.

* * *

Two for One Price.

Sandy (being shaved, at the village hairdresser's): “Just ance o'er the face, Rab.”

Rab: “But, why, Sandy? Ye ken, I aye put the razor o'er twice.”

Sandy: “Ay, ay, Rab—that's aricht. I'll come back an’ get ye tae dae it the second time at the end o’ the week.”

* * *

The Difference.

Mamma (dining out): “It isn't polite, Bobby, to smack your lips when eating. You never do that at home.” Bobby: “Cause we never have anything worth smacking over.”

* * *

Cheap at the Price.

Customer: “But I can get that for twopence a pound cheaper at your rival's, over the road.”

Shopkeeper: “But look at the motors racing along the street. I am sure you would not risk your life for two-pence.”

* * *