page 325

Chapter XXVII.

Come child, you must go and lie down. This hot sun is too much for you. Why you are quite feverish." Mrs. Remay laid her hand lightly on the girl's shoulder and looked down anxiously into the flushed face. It was the day after the one which beheld Nellie seated beside a dying man, and listening to his dying words. Since then a strange restlessness had taken possession of her. She was no longer the calm firm woman; she had returned to her mutable maiden-hood; and all the mutation of her maidenhood seemed stirring in her soul. Nearly the whole of the night before she had lain awake thinking, and thinking; and when the morning broke it found her thinking still. She tossed, and turned, and tried to sleep, but the burning eyes scorched their eyelids, and the sweeping eyelashes flew open and refused to close again. Toward morning, however, she sank into a dazed stupified kind of trance, consisting of a half distance between sleep and awake. With eyes wide open and faculties asleep, yet with certain atitudes working with a sure and diligent activity, Nellie had passed through the first hours of dawn. Rigid and motionless she lay and gazed, yet not gazed, at the fast greying ceiling of her room; when softly, like the slow peaceful motion of falling snow, a misty cloud from some space imperceptible, gently enshined her, and she felt herself being borne away on its soft sweeping billows. Yet no motion stirred her own being; she was still with the stillness of unconsciousness, and her mind page 326was shrouded in mystery; and in the midst of the mystery, or the soft sweeping billows, she did not know which, there was a Reddish Purple Light. And thus she floated for a moment, which was as a millenium of moments, over a dark space—nay, not wholly dark, there were light beams which arose from that vault and shot past, even past her motionless floating; still they revealed not the secret depth of the chasm from which they sprang: somewhere in her fancy she thought the name of that country was "Childhood:" and as thus she floated, impelled by a force she knew not, nor understood; borne motionless along in her motionless chariot, which after all was not voluntarily motionless, but strangely confused and raging if freed from its unseen force: and as thus she floated, and as thus she paused, whether obeying the power, whether she herself was not ethereal enough for its silky folds; she felt the misty billows part; and she felt herself glide slowly, silently, as if rocked in a cradle, down, down. Her feet rested on a beautiful Island in the midst of a smooth, calm, but very, very, deep River; and as she swept past the coast, she read beneath the waters, on the blue arched basin, the silver pencilled word "Time." But it was nothing to her, that Motionless Water with its Motionless Name, so she turned away and rejoiced in the glory of her beautiful Island. Above, the misty sweeping billows had changed into Golden, and their fleecy brightness were tipped with that Reddish Purple Light. But who was this at her side? This glorious being of radiant light? Ah, at first she was afraid; afraid of the strange fascination; afraid of the burning brightness; but he spoke, and his words were as balm, his voice like the ripple of Echoes; and her young heart was fearful no more. "Weave for us both, weave wreaths, and garlands, and a crown." So with shining eyes, with the roses in her cheeks, with the lilies around page 327her heart, she wove wreaths, and garlands, and a double crown; and with these those two bright beings, bound themselves together. And oft in the midst of their beautiful work they stopped, and kissed, and embraced; and stopped, and kissed, and embraced again.

But the Reddish Purple tips tormented Nellie; she did not know whether to look at them or not; the Golden Billows she loved, they were so like the light on her brow, in their Island, and most of all around him by her side. How happy she was, how joyfully, radiantly happy; and how beautiful the Rainbow which encircled her head; around her waist was a girdle of Moon Beams; on her feet White wings; but she was not proud; she was glad of her beauty for the sake of him who held her hand, and whispered that magic word. They wandered over the beautiful sunny land; they plucked the velvety, and silky, and diamond tipped flowers, and they were perfectly happy. When suddenly, as they stood a moment to kiss and embrace, a harsh grating noise like the crunching of gravel under wheels, broke through the dream of peace. She started, and turned her dark fearful eyes up to her companion's face. He was pale; and much of the brightness had left his brow. Then through the shining border of their sunny Island, the bow of a small Shallop appeared, and in the sheets a Dark-faced Ferryman with a Net in his hand. He beckoned, and she felt a quiver run through the being by her side; his hand unloosened its clasp.

"Oh, must we be parted? Oh, my heart's dearest! have we not bound our hearts and souls together? Must we part. We who have loved?" In the agony of her soul, she wrung her hands and wept. But the Ferryman threw his Net around her lover and swept him into the boat. "I bound your hearts together, and I have the right to sever; the soul God alone can bind." And page 328with those stern words the boat with its figures were lost in the mists. But now all the light had left the Island; the Moonbeams around her waist, the Rainbow over her head, the Golden Billows above, all were now gone; all was now dark and laden; the Reddish Purple Light went, she neither knew nor cared; and the garlands, and wreaths, and crown, lay at her feet, withered and cold and severed. Some unseen hand had cleft them in twain. Then as she gazed with streaming eyes upon the drooping flowers, they changed, they arose, many crumbled into ashes, and flying up, hurt her weeping eyes; many turned into thorns and pricked her whenever she touched them; others heaped themselves together and became huge jagged rocks, which tore her flesh, and cut deep furrows into her heart. But one flower—for a while she was afraid to touch it—looked up and smiled, and when her tears fell on it, it shone the brighter, and smiled the sweeter. She remembered she had kissed it long and often when she was weaving it into their crown. It was a sweet blue violet—"Faithful;" and it offered her its sweetest comfort. She stooped and lifted it, and kissing it again and again, placed it in her sorrowful bosom. And now the land moved, moved, and she felt it gliding over the deep, dark River. How quickly it moved, and how glad was she that it did; she wanted to reach the Great Ocean; she longed to leave this darkened land, the land that had become dark because he, who made it light, was not. But what was that sound? Her heart stood still, and the blood of her soul sprang into her eyes. "'Twas the awful roar of a Cataract." And she, she was gliding nearer, and nearer; and swiftly, and still more swift. She pleaded for help, but her voice was dumb; she prayed, but her heart was locked; she shrieked, but the cry was frozen. Oh the agony; would page 329nothing save her? In her darkness she forgot the Light, and lifted her eyes to Man. But Ah, of what value to man is the single life, the single sufferer? Only God puts his price upon it; the priceless price of blood. And man not knowing, not caring to know; not valuing, not caring to value. So in the darkness, and amidst the gloom, she drifted on. The falling sheet of water rose before her; the dark, foam fringed, Abyss sunk beneath; over she glided, still locked in her dream; over and down, over and down—"Thud."

Starting up with a smothered scream Nellie had found the perspiration standing out in great beads upon her brow, and her heart making hollow, deep sounding, thuds against her side. She sank back among the pillows feeling sick, and faint, and feeble. But now the depth of space enveloped her; and on a shoulder, which seemed to be rising from the foam of some hollow cavern—ah, it was that awful Abyss, her bleeding body, the blood drops of which turned into stars and flying upwards, vanished with the beams that had gone before; was borne away and placed on the green velvety slopes of a mighty Mountain; and she nestled and pressed herself into the soft encircling moss, and dreamed of Motherly Arms. She could have wept, but all her tears had turned into stones, and had sunk to the bottom of that deep dark Cavern. And so for a second time she wandered over sunny land; trod on soft springy moss; breathed in the sweet air; listened to musical bells; and gathered scented flowers, not deep red carnations, arums, ivy geraniums, vermains, but laurel leaved magnolias, American cowslips, stars of Bethlehem, moss. Yet the Light was not so golden here; and the spray from that hollow Cataract, and the gloom from that floating Island hung around and on her brow. She raised her eyes, and lo! there above her appeared again the Sweeping Billows page 330with the Reddish Purple Light burning in the midst of their soft silky folds. It was all Red now, Red and bright, and full of an Empyrian shadow. In its depths she saw a Silver Cord which at one end touched her soul, and at the other led through a mist, and into a grand, lofty Court with a floor of Golden Water. Then the Red light which had been almost purple, went away, born on the wings of its Empyrian shadow; and she saw it stand back, far back in the cleft ravine of immesureable space. Then she took up her flowers, her flowers of dignity, Divine beauty, purity, home affections, and wandered on, plucking more as she went. She came to the base of that mountain Faith, and she paused by the banks of a stream. A stream? nay a river. The same dark river of Time. But she feared it no more. She loved it. She bathed in its waters. She played with its sparkling drops, and she lifted them to her lips to taste their wonderful flavour. And when it became enraged at her boisterous sport, and when it sent its dark faced, stern voiced Ferryman with his Boat and his Net to bear her away, and crush her, she hurled them back into one anothers arms, and laughed loud, and long. And when she saw them struggling together, that dark Time and its accomplices Circumstances, she danced and shouted and inspired them on in their strife; enjoying with a fierce enjoyment to see them tear and hack at one another. She no longer gazed down the fast running waters, she no longer turned imploring eyes to the Ferryman; she gazed across the river, and over the Ferryman, dispising and rending in shreds the misty Net. In short, she who had once been subjected to, tyranized over, beaten and mangled, by these two strange deities, had now become their master; had obtained dominion over them, had made and continued to make them bow in humble obeisance to her. And while she thus sported and wildly laughed, she heard the sound page 331of distant Music, soft low and full of a deep ringing melody. The air filled, overflowed; from a nothingness past it seemed to be journeying to a nothingness future. It drew nearer, it:—Behold once again the countless number of glorious white robed angels! under their wings they carried beautiful garlands and wreaths of amaranthine flowers; in the hands of their Queen rested an Alchemy crown. They swept towards her on the bosom of their music; they stripped her of her white robes which looked dark and stained beside theirs; they dressed her in one fresh from the hands of the Maker; and after kissing and embracing and caressing her many times, they threw around her their garlands and wreaths; they crowned her and kissed her long; and by the voice of their music told her their purpose. Because in her bosom she carried that sweet blue violet, she was blessed among many women. The garlands, and crown, and billows were made by the hand of the Creator. She had conquered Darkness and now she was to become the Queen of Light. She had wrestled with the Reddish Purple Light; by her own integrity she had changed it into wholly red, wholly bright, and had placed it beyond the Golden Billows—Mighty radiant Red Renunciation—Henceforth for the few short moments she was needed on Earth she would be their companion, their care. That just above, they awaited the signal to bear her away to the Home-land. Then, after looking at her, and smiling, they rose upward; and the Golden Billows entered her heart. Now she understood those sweeping waves; understood why they appeared mists at first; then many radiant lights; now one bright, glorious, soul stirring, whole. Love as it should be—Love from God, and delivered to man by angels. Love stained with the blood red stains of Self Renunciation. Love filched from the bosom of Love; infused into the hearts of mortality; page 332fanned into flame by the hand of Divinity; and crowned: and, though the Lovers be in their mortal chrysales, made companions of by the angels.

Then as ages of little nothings passed, and as she paused beside a Fountain Basin that quivered and sparkled with numberless hues, and as she opened her lips to catch the fast falling sprays of the silvery fountain, and as the drops melted and sent a deep immeasurable wave through her soul which flooded her being with beauty, she heard the seft silence of music, and felt the angel's wings enfold her. The Fountain Water was too rapturous, too lovely, too earthly resplendent, for her; and the angels feared to lose, for their Master, their care; so they bore her away while yet the starry drops hung on her lips. Softly away, softly peaceful; they in themselves silent and motionless moving; the air around rushing and noisy. Softly away she was borne; over dark Vaults, but the the angels would not allow her to look; past Suns and Spaces and Stars, but the angels covered her sight; through Revolving Air that would have drawn aside the host were it not for the unseen central power, but the angels hurried on. Softly away like the medullary rays, she was borne to the Central Focus of the universe, the Central Focus of the millions, and thousands, and thousand millions of worlds. The gate was reached, the Golden Gate of that Holy City; and in the open doorway, surrounded by thronging faces, was the Heavenly Renunciation. He clasped her in his arms; the Golden Billows in her heart welled up and flooded the throne; the waters of Love returned to its own bright fountain. Her's was a triumphant entry, and the Saviour himself had led her in. As she nestled in sweet solemn peace, against the bosom of the Wonderful, a loud voice proclaimed, and many trumpets blew; and over the solemn silence which followed, rang out the words of the Lamb.

page 333

"These are they which come out of great tribulation and have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in His temple; and He that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them. They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more. Neither shall the sun light on them nor any heat. For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them into living fountains of water, and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."

The voice ceased; she raised her head, now shining and bright like the sun, and gazed around for him, whom God had created as her Soul's Affinity. Among the faces at the gate she fancied she saw the other part of her being; some reflection of an advancing figure—her heart's dearest. The shades closed round; the soul returned to the body; and the spirit put on its manacles.

The breakfast bell was ringing: and the dream of a dream had vanished.

Now as she sat out there in the shady garden, with the fragrant honeysuckle shedding it bloom around her, the sweet hum of insects playing like music in her ears, she thought of that strange vision, and wondered if the End were as faithfully pictured as was the Beginning. She was tired and weary, and such a stranger on earth. Would the journey be long? It was Evening now; evening full of calm pure light; but would it continue to be evening long? There was no Night for her. The darkness was her dawn. And in her inmost heart, she felt that she would have to rise and travel early. What wonder that the flush deepened to a carnation in her cheeks, and that her eyes burned with an unnatural brilliancy. What wonder that her aunt hesitated to add to her excitement.

page 334

Lifting her eyes to Mrs. Remay's face Nellie became suddenly aware that she had been spoken to. "I beg your pardon aunt," she exclaimed in a little confusion, "I did not hear what you said."

Mrs. Remay thought awhile; then stooping, kissed the fair flushed face. "Never mind dear," said she, and as she turned away, two thick letters, sealed and stamped with the Bonsby post mark, lay in the young girls lap.