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"For Father's Sake," or A Tale of New Zealand Life

Chapter XXXI

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Chapter XXXI.

One bright afternoon, a lady dressed in black, and wearing a thick veil, might have been seen standing at the door of a pretty little cottage in the very heart of Bonsby. The surroundings were bright and cheerful, and although on a small scale, were scrupulously kept. The trailing vines and honeysuckle, and the shell-ornamented pots of green fern, made a very pleasant and striking contrast to the dusty road and busy traffic of town. The inmates of this little abode were a young married couple, who could well afford a much larger dwelling place, but who preferred quality to quantity, and comfort to elegance. They were well pleased with their choice of a home, and had, by their united efforts, converted it into a little sparkling Elysium, full of fun and music. It would have amused many of their friends had they been unseen eyewitnesses during the work of transformation; and the young wife often laughed to herself at the accidental reappearance of mementos which remind her of her husband's witty sayings. Even the young husband loved to joke about those first few weeks of married life; and if he ever heard of anyone about to follow in his footsteps, he would suddenly grow serious, and warn them in very solemn tones to he careful. "You are kept night and day hammering and tacking, pulling down and putting up, until you begin to think you yourself are getting hammered and tacked, and pulled down, and put up. Then when you have finished, and are inwardly shaking hands with your-page 367self, rejoicing at the thought of being "such a clever fellow," lo! your wife comes along, declares it will not do, pulls it to pieces, and you have to start and do it afresh. I would not live those few weeks over again for a pension, so help me bob, I wouldn't." Then, lowering his voice he would whisper in his wife's ear, while he playfully pinched her arm, "With anyone else, my Alma; but with you I am always living them, and the last is better than the first." And Alma would grow rosy under his praise, and would wish she could return pretty speeches. But her discontented desire would be kissed away by her husband, who lovingly told her "her little caress was worth more than all his speeches." And they never forgot those early charms, which had made them so dear to one another. The husband never left his wife without kissing her farewell, and murmuring some word of loving endearment; and the wife never neglected to expect and to return his caress. When the evening came, came also the evening benediction. And after the lapse of many years, husband and wife would be clasped in one another's arms as fondly, nay, more fondly, than they were during the first few weeks of their married life. Indeed, with the constant practice, they became masters of Affection's Lore. They had not become as one, but they had become the united part of a One; and they had atuned their spirits to the harmony of that One. Their honeymoon days they did not look upon as the happiest part of their lives, full of happiness as it was. In their maturer minds, aronnd those days was shed a sense of effort, of transformation, which now in their latter years had grown and ripened, and reached beyond all endeavours.

And thus should it be with all marriages. Why should those little graces be put on only when in company? Because husband and wife live in unbroken unity, there is no reason for living in broken valour. There is all the more page 368reason for uniting and increasing in steadfastness. To my mind, familiarity should deepen the feelings, and should agitate a greater tenderness. It should teach husband to understand and have regard for his wife's feelings; it should teach wife to soothe her husband's troubled brow, and to point him to higher things. By revealing the failings of each, it should unite them together in the endeavour to conquer those failings; and it should show husband and wife the folly of judging one another's characters and actions by each other. On the whole, humanity is alike; but there are traits peculiar to each sex of humanity, and accordingly should be dealt with. Neither sternness nor languor is required in the married life; but a firm adherence to the moderation or intermediate space; each, though walking in perfect unity, living separate, and separately striving against their own separate weakness. Marriage is not, as it is so often considered, an institution granted to mortal for mortal indulgences. It is the very opposite. It is an institution granted by the compassion of a loving Father, who, seeing the weakness of mortal nature, provides for it an intermediate law, whereby those mortal passions may be kept in restraint, and finally conquered.

It is marriage, and not love, that we are speaking of; therefore it is the mortality we are dealing with. In the immortal law of Love we soar beyond the law of Marriage, and find our utterances in the presence of angels. There will be no marriages in Heaven, because there will be no mortals to marry. All that will be done away with, even as our flesh is done away with. But there will be Love in Heaven, and Love's unity also. There will be that same thrilling separate oneness in the Great Oneness, only intensified in itself, and despoiled of all its earthly clogs. Why, even on earth, but for the instability of the mortal page 369nature, there would be no need for the mortal law of marriage. The familiarity and intercourse of a home should, therefore, bring out the high lights of character, should turn darkness into dawn, trouble into blessing, grief into joy. Were it not for familiarity and intercourse, instead of being a sympathetic and vibrating creation, we would be icy, stolid and impassive; each one living in utter disregard for the other. "Familiarity breeds contempt," is a phrase that should not be allowed a place among our grand English proverbs; and it would not have a place if men and women used it as a servant, and not as a guide or teacher; used it as mortal stepping-stones to immortal proficiency; as laws governing the lower strata of their being.

A neat servant girl appeared at the door in answer to the bell, and on the lady requesting to see Mrs. Graham, she was shown into a dainty little parlour.

"What name shall I say?" asked the girl as she was about to retire.

"Never mind, just say a lady wishes to see her particularly."

In less than five minutes the rustling of a dress coming along the passage put a stop to the stranger's criticism of the room. The door opened, and Mrs. Graham in a soft grey dress stood before her visitor. For a few moments she did not discern the features of the lady who rose at her entrance, and raised her veil; but when her eyes grew accustomed to the darkness she perceived who it was. A deep crimson blush mantled her brow, and spread itself over cheek and neck. She did not lose her composure, however, and stepping backward, asked in a cold metallic voice, if she might know to what she was indebted for this unexpected visit.

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"Your recollection of old faces is remarkable Mrs. Graham. I came with the full expectation of having to introduce myself afresh. I am glad someone of my old acquaintances recognizes me." For the life of her, Nellie could not refrain from inserting a slight touch of sarcasm in her voice and words.

"That is apart from the question, Miss Main. May I know what brings you here as my visitor?"

Nellie was no hard-hearted extortioner, seeking to exact to the uttermost farthing, penance for offence; but she was smarting under the evident contrast between the lives of those two conspirers against her own happiness. Were it not that she felt how unavailing were their united efforts; how far removed from all earthly propagation her actions, she would have found it in her heart to be bitter toward this woman. Then when she thought of what the consequences might have been, her words grew stern, and her lip curled into a mocking smile.

"Why should it not be the enjoyment of a quiet conversation with you, Mrs. Graham? With your new name have you purchased new friends? I should have advised the purchasing of new morals also. Alma West used not to be so scrupulous with her capabilities."

"I know enough of you, Miss Main, to understand that no mere accident brings you here. Perhaps I deserve your reproaches, else I would request you to leave my presence with your business untransacted. Yet, remember, we are cast in the same mould, and if you have any feeling, let your object be known in as brief words as possible."

Nellie looked at the proud defiant woman, and for the first time in her life, felt for her a deep admiration. She knew that beneath that bosom, beat a raging tumultuous heart; and she respected the strength that flinched not before its accusor. Whether a mistaken idea or not Nellie page 371could not tolerate the spirit that would grovel to a fellow being.

"We are all in need of forgiveness," she would declare with stinging irony. "And no one mortal has the right to demand reparation from another. The knee should bow to God alone, who being the only Pure is the only Recipient. Why should we microbes set ourselves up to be judges and priests. It is God whom we offend when we wrong a neighbour, and it is unto God we should confess. The dissoluble nature that would languish at every rebuff, is not worthy of consideration; being too weak for either good or evil."

It must be remembered, however, that Nellie's training had been such as to make her rather dogmatic on this point. Often she had been forced to make her apologies for grievances she was very glad she occasioned, and to make them to people who would have, and who had, committed the same offences without indulging in the necessary apology. As she looked at the fair face, with its defiant eyes, and resolute expression, she thought of a time years back when she turned away from the same face with the contemptuous words: "Dolly—nothing in her; right enough for a pet." And then, as if in answer to her thoughts she heard the whisper: "That gawky Main girl! I cannot see what he finds to admire in her. Her sallow complexion and piercing black eyes are enough to give anyone the horrors. As for her manners, I think she is positively rude."

"I wonder," thought Nellie, "If I have changed as much as she has, and if my alteration runs in the same direction. No one could say that that was a dolly face, and that that woman was only fit for a pet. She is no heroine with striking characteristics, and remarkable aptitudes, but she is more, she is a true good woman, gentle and tender; her distance makes her fair, while her fairness evokes our page 372advances. It is to such as she, that humanity owes its gratitude for the germinating and cultivation of peace and virtue, for she will bequeath to her boys what her sex prevents her from making public; and by their hands the laws of right and justice will be established. She might well be the inspiration of those lines: 'Not too good for human nature's daily use; and yet a woman pure and bright; with something of an angel light.'"

And what were Mrs. Graham's thoughts? May they not have been something similar. May she not be contrasting the "gawky Main girl," with the refined graceful woman; the piercing black eyes with the calm deep liquid brown ones; the pert satirical manner with the tranquil considerate air. Ah! there had been great changes in the lives and appearances of these two women since first they crossed one another's track on that happy picnic ground long ago. But all this takes less time to think than to write; and all this passed through the minds of those two women while they were uttering those short words of introduction.

"You are right, and your are wrong, in your surmises, Mrs. Graham," said Nellie, still in a tone of hauteur. "An accident brings me here, though it is not by accident I come. But it is a long story, difficult to tell, and painful to hear. Will you not take a seat while I relate it?

Inwardly reviling against the effrontery of her visitor, yet considering it prudent to forbear hostility, Mrs. Graham accepted the proffered chair.

"Please make your story as short as possible, Miss Main," she said in her cold hard voice; "my time is not my own this afternoon."

"So be it," answered Nellie, sinking down into her own seat, and turning a stern face toward her hostess: "We will end this foolish parlance and begin in earnest. Mrs. page 373Graham, I have in my possession papers given me by a dying man. These I promised to return to you, their rightful owner; and when my story is finished I will fulfil my promise. It will be a great relief for me to do so, for they are fresh from the hands of the dead"

The listener started and turned pale; she opened her lips to speak, but Nellie's face was stern, and the eyes warned her to be still. Then she sank back with a shudder, and covering her face with her hands remained mute and motionless during the whole recital.

"A little more than a fortnight ago," continued Nellie, "I tended the wants, and listened to the words of a dying man, who is now beyond the power of temptation, and the obsequiousness of the tempter. His career was the career of thousands. He began life with every hope and every promise of prosperity. A fair path of happiness lay before him. On an evil day, he, partly from his own inclinations, and partly from the influence of others, took his first downward step. The fatal exhalation lured him on, paving the dark road with sunny flowers. Crushing down the good which in his nature held predominence, he, to satisfy a selfish craving, cultivated and fertilized the sinful. Thus from bad to worse, from position to abasement, from wealth to poverty, he gradually traversed his declining path; until with a groan he found himself on the brink of the grave; there be awoke to a realization of his wasted career, his buried talents, his abused privileges. The few remaining hours of his life he spent in making such reparation for his misspent life as lay in his power. Mrs. Graham, you did not think, when you engaged Albert Maurice to execute your scheme of treachery, that this would be the final. Thank God with all your heart, that your object was not accomplished; that the end has not been in accordance with your planning; else would your retribution be greater page 374than would be your remorse. Yet do not reproach yourself too severely for the part you played. The dupe you imagined you procured for the furtherance of your scheme was no dupe of yours; he was a dupe of his own inclinations. Far above, and higher than either you or I could reach, soared his love for me, and his determination to win me for his own."

Nellie's eyes glistened with a lambent brightness, and her voice grew tremulous as she recalled the scene of that half penitent, half exultant confessor; for at this point he had stretched out his poor bruised arm and clasping the hand of the girl, looked into her sorrowing eyes, his own glorious and ethereal with the power and depth of his worshipping love, and had welcomed his fate for the bliss of the moment.

"What, said he," continued Nellie, "was our petty-mistaken affection in comparison to his deep life absorbing worship, his soul's permanent love? Hope did not depart, nor did that love ever become extinguished; and his ready acquiescent to your proposal, was but to further his own plans; my continual rejection to his suit, only serving to inspire him on. He failed, as will all who seek to build their happiness upon wrong doing. In his efforts he over-reached himself; he forgot the most essential part, the firm unfaltering resistance of the object for which he strove. And you, Mrs. Graham, what have you to say?" demanded Nellie; fixing her eyes upon the woman. "Had he succeeded, think you your part would have been crowned with success? or being crowned, would you have been happy? I dare to say, No! The evidences and appearances of your present life speak in their own truthful language. You are happier and more blessed in the sphere that has been provided for you, than you would ever have been in the one you sought tolay out for yourself."

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Nellie rose, and taking a few closely-written letters from her handbag, placed them in Mrs. Graham's lap.

"Here are your letters, Mrs. Graham. They are the only proofs left of your treachery. They were kept with the intention of being used against you; but the time on earth was shorter than expected. Burn these tell-tale writings, and let the story they tell sink with their ashes. In me you may rely for silence." She turned as if to sweep from the room, but Mrs. Graham prevented her doing so.

"What of yourself, Miss Main?" she exclaimed, raising her head and speaking in a hurried way. "Is there nothing whereby I may show my penitence? Believe me, I have suffered. Think you there is no humiliation for a proud spirit to stoop to deceit in order to gain her ends. Can you, who remained chaste because untried, find in your heart no excuse for me, who sinned because I loved, and because the love I sought was not returned, but given to you? Oh! Miss Main, Nellie! if your heart is still hard and unrelenting toward me, my earnest prayer is that you might never stand in the position in which I have stood."

Nellie's hauteur fled, and her voice assumed those sweet tones so suited to it.

"You are right, Alma West; and I respect you above all women of my early recollections. Yet do not misunderstand my intentions. I came here not as your accuser, else it would be presumption indeed. I bear a name alone, and have no right to demand your tears. I might have sent you these letters and their particulars, but I wanted to see you in your new life; and to know if you were happy. I know too well that the heart that nourishes the thought of former sin unpardoned can never be entirely at rest. So I hastened to do what lay in my power to remove the shadow. Believe me, you have nothing to ask from me, page 376for I have taken nothing from you; and your part in my life was as nothing. Be happy in your present happiness, and in the future be hopeful. Farewell. Our intercourse has been too painful for either of us to wish to renew our acquaintanceship, but if in the future you feel a want that I can supply, fear not to ask." She stooped and kissed the weeping woman, then opened the door and passed out. And as she walked home in the gathering twilight—for the afternoon had waned into twilight during their absorbing conversation—something like the sound of a deep heart-rending moan escaped her lips. The trees caught up the sound, and passing it from one to the other, sent it away into the distance, until it was heard like the last note of an expiring echo; but the breaking waves of the ever-restless sea rescued the failing sound. Seizing it in their harsh tumultuous roar, they hurled it back. Sharp and keen as the piercing of a knife, that sound re-entered the heart, and Nellie knew 'twas vain to cast it out. "O God," she cried, "is it always to be thus? Must the heart always be torn with the thought of what might have been? Not that I regret the, what is; but if the what might have been be not in accordance with Thy will, as Thou hast so clearly shown, why should the thwarting of that 'what' have power to fill our souls with sorrow? And I thought I had crushed it! Must this worm lie for ever at my root, eating away my vital substance? I feel it drinking the protoplasm of my being, yet am I powerless to become its destroyer. O! the mockery of my life; the hypocrisy of this assumed laughter. How I dread the approaching withering that reveals the presence of that worm. This is the awful knowledge that hushes the voice of commendation; that makes me shudder at the word, strength. Where is my strength that I cannot bury the dead?" She raised her eyes, and between the tall poplars, caught a glimpse of page 377the blue sky. A fleecy cloud hurried past as she gazed, and, as if dropped in its haste, there appeared on the forsaken path a tiny tiny star. So faint, so far away, so pure was that tiny twinkling light. Then the ever present angels whispered, and their soothing presence calmed the troubled heart. "As high as the Heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways, and my thoughts above your thoughts." Clasping her hands together, a strange mixture of humility and injunction shining in her great dark eyes, Nellie cried, "Then by the intermediate space, sweet Comforter, I measure the capabilities yet to be attained. Yonder star shall be my aim; the measurement of this poor stunted body the capabilities already achieved. In thine own good time thou wilt dig about my roots, and destroy the worm; and the interim shall be filled with Hope and Excelsior. The distance of my attainment shall not appal me, for in my heart and life I bear the promise, 'These things thou shalt do, and greater things also, for thou trustest me.' Why! already the space between us is shortening; and the star grows brighter."

The concluding events of that death-bed scene Nellie refrained from making known to Mrs. Graham. To her sensitive nature such scenes were too sacred for mortal disquisition; but that night, as she knelt beside her own quiet couch of rest, she lived again those closing moments. Once again she thrust those tell-tale letters into her pocket, and murmured soft words of comfort and hope. Once again a weak, almost helpless hand, was laid upon her own, while two deep blue eyes, filled and beautiful with a parting benediction, looked into her own tear-filled ones. Once again she heard a triumphant voice exclaim, "I am glad, and rejoice at the misfortune, which is in reality a happy incident, that brings me here, for it has brought us page 378together again. And now, Nellie, you are convinced that the love you scorned and rejected for another, perhaps less worthy, was no weak boyish fancy, no burning passion, but a deep life-long devotion; a soul's undying reverence. I am thankful my love was given to you, and not to one unworthy; for, believe it or not as you please, I know that there is within me capabilities of deep enduring affection. If I had my life to live again, I would request that I might retain my love. Not that I would expect any return—that is impossible; light cannot be united with darkness; but because it made me respect the love of others; and it prevented me from joining in the farce of love-making, in which so many of my companions indulge and pride themselves."

Nellie had put her head down on the pillow beside the white face, and wept.

"You do not despise me, Nellie? After the life I have led, you still can shed tears for me?" The feeble hand touched the dark bowed head; the feeble lips tried to kiss the girl's soft cheek.

"Oh, do not speak as if I were so much above you," cried the girl, raising her head and dashing away her tears. "Why do you not despise me seeing how little I understood you? It is always thus. Those who are kindest, I neglect; those who are foolish, I love and honour. And always there is the cry 'Too Late' Albert, I once scorned your love; retaliate by rejecting my pity."

A smile like the bright sunshine after a summer shower, lit up the face of the dying man.

"Reject that which bears me to the gate of another land? No! No! you tell me that in the heaven I am about to enter, there is peace. You say that love rules the life; that joy and gladness reign perpetually in the heart; that that life is but a continuation of this, only without the page 379trammels of flesh, the shackels of sin; that everything is pure and holy and true: then, if such be the case, my love for you will not remain on earth, nor be buried beneath my tomb. It is the only purity I have enjoyed here, therefore God will not deny me it in Heaven. You may love another; you may make fresh ties of affection; you may live for years, centuries; these things will make no difference to me. I will wait for you beside your father. I will watch your coming; and at your entrance I will come forward and claim my share of your presence. The claims of others, great though they be, will not have power to wrestle from me my own. Up Yonder we shall rejoice in an all absorbing, universal love. A love that will need no scheming to win it; no marriage vows to bind it; no crucified flesh to make it sacred."

The faltering voice ceased, the tired eyes closed. The girl pushed back the wavy tumbled hair from the broad white brow, her tears falling fast upon the coverlet.

"It is growing dark, Nellie, but there is such a bright light about you. I do not like to go, for O! you were so dear to me; and this world is too cold, too cruel; you will not be happy here."

The deep blue eyes opened now, and all mists had cleared away.

"But, if Jesus is kind, he will let me come and watch over you Nellie. He cannot keep me away. Come nearer dear, I cannot see your face."

The tired voice grew fainter and fainter, but the eyes were bright and shining.

"Kiss me Nellie; I will tell your father all about you. Don't be long in coming. It will be so lonely up there without you, and I am weary of waiting already."

The tired voice ceased; the dark head fell back; and the arm that had been placed around Nellie's neck as she stooped page 380to kiss the pale lips, dropped on the white coverlet. The rest of the scene we already know.

Kneeling there in the silence of her room, Nellie contrasted the romance of that man's life with the romance of her own. How insignificant hers looked beside his. And she had thought her own so grand, so noble in its complete failure. She had put away present happiness because she had seen the shadow of future suffering; and because she had done this, she had fancied herself a heroine. While he had put away his integrity to win her love; then, having failed he had calmly stepped into the future, brushed away the shadowy cloud, and paused on the threshold of the Beyond to wait for the coming of his beloved. And yet, throughout it all, he know that she did not, and never could, return half his affection.

"And I thought him so far beneath Iwand," she mused. "Time! Time! what hast thou done for me? Thou hast rent the veil that hid the apparent from the evident. Thou hast unmasked the weak, and laid open the strong. Thou hast separated the true from the untrue, the right from the wrong. I render thee, O Mighty One! my thanks, for the wisdom thou hast taught, and for the knowledge thou art yet to teach. And thou, O man! who hast the power of winning woman's love, have a care how thou usest thy power. Probe thine heart, and find out whether there be anything therein contrary to the law of truth and unselfishness. Upheave those evil germs, and lay them open to the devestation of the elements. In their places cultivate the seeds of Sincerity, Manliness, Nobility of Character and Purpose. And above all, do not trifle with thy power. Be warned by the fall of Samson. Fear not that thou wilt be made a dupe for the society butterfly. Thy God shall protect thee, and give thee discernment."

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"Iwand, dear Iwand," sobbed Nellie, as she tossed her weary head upon the pillows, and tried to close her sleepless eyes. "Iwand, I loved thee so; and thy love far me was great. Oh, my heart's dearest! why didst thou prove thyself unworthy of my love."

"'Tis well for me, my Saviour, that thou dost guide my footsteps; for, alas! what a wreck this life would be."