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The Story of Wild Will Enderby

Chapter IX. The Senior Partner Tells his Story

page 47

Chapter IX. The Senior Partner Tells his Story.

"Guess I needn't say that I didn't get over-burdened with learning when I was a youngster. There was a sort of a school in our parts, kept by a dilapidated old gentleman who had seen better days, or said he had. When I knew him he was principally remarkable for the number and variety of patches on his garments, which made him look like a walking map of the United States. He had a fine old frontispiece, with a most remarkable nose of the vegetable type,—red and spongy. He used to say that it cost him close on to a hundred dollars a year to keep that nose in repair, besides friendly contributions, which didn't count. I used to attend his 'Academy,' as he called it, now and then, when I could be spared from weeding, or hoeing, or reaping, or whatever was mostly a-doing on our place. And that warn't too often, you bet. My old dad strictly obeyed the first commandment, as delivered to Adam; and he went on obeying to such an extent, that there was more mouths than meat to home sometimes.49

"However, I picked up a little knowledge here and there, just as chickens pick up their food; and when I got to be about sixteen, the boss sent me down to Jefferson City, Missouri, to mother's brother—old page 48uncle Sol—who kept a dry goods store, and happened to want a lad that he could lick without any fear of consequences. He took a good deal of trouble to teach me what an insignificant little cuss I was; and it took me some pains to learn it, I tell you; but it couldn't be done at the price. George Washington couldn't lie; and I wouldn't defile the name my father gave me. No, sir! So when folks asked about things, I always used to own right up to the truth. Then Uncle Sol, he'd come by with his sweetest go-to-meeting smile on, and he'd push me aside, and excuse my ignorance, as he called it; and he'd lie, and lie, and lie away, till I'd begin to feel as if I was the liar, and not he. He was a very gifted man was Uncle Sol. He had a sleek, oily way with him, and a soft-spoken tongue that nobody could resist. I remember an antiquated she-woman coming into the store, and asking for some sort of French muslins, and I told her that we hadn't got none jest then; and Uncle Sol he came along looking as though angels was small potatoes to him; and he gave me a sly kick on the shins, as made me think the devil wore boots, and sent me to the far end of the store, weeping and gnashing of my teeth. And I'm darned if he didn't talk that old Madam over, till he made her believe that home-made huck-a-back suited her complexion better than the foreign stuff she wanted.50 And when Deacon Gamble's Miss came in for some kid gloves, and he didn't happen to have none, he held forth to that degree, that she went away in two-fifteen, penitent and rejoicing, with six pair of black cotton stockings in her reticule. Yes, sir, Uncle Sol was powerfully gifted, and a right-down smart trader.

page 49

"And yet he was a liberal man, after his way. I've known him give away a whole month's profits, got by lying and scheming, to relieve a destitute family. You see, human nature is an awful deal of a puzzle. He donated a considerable pile of dollars to the church once, and insisted on their allowing him two-and-a-half per cent discount for cash. And when Parson Huckleberry got noosed, Uncle Sol sent him a whole heap of blankets and things, and fixed him for half-a-dollar for the carriage.

"Well, I learned a few items of general commerce with Uncle Sol, you believe it. And if I could only have got over that unfortunate trick of mine of telling the truth, I might have been a well-to-do merchant to-day, and maybe a deacon to boot,—who knows? But I'm afraid that trick of mine ain't easy to be cured; and I think my case should be a warning to all progenitors not to name their children so as to hinder their getting on in the world. Comparisons ain't nice, that's a fact.

"And though the old boy used to introduce his shoemaker to my notice more frequently than I thought desirable, don't you think he warn't kind either, in his way, which is what I might call a peculiar striking way—that's all. He'd put his hand so close to my head sometimes, that he'd mesmerise me for half-an-hour; and before I'd got over it he'd go and do something or other as made me wish he'd mesmerise me stronger. He'd keep me on at night fixing things, and putting them square, till I used to sleep standing. And then he'd set me down on my marrow-bones, and go praying around, while I dreamed the happy hours away, till he page 50had to rouse me by what the doctors call external applications. And next morning, Uncle Sol would say—'George, you ain't fit to go into the store to-day, I know you ain't. You'll be doing of mischief; I know you will. Go and have a holiday, George. You can take this package out, and you needn't come home till you feel sprightly.'

"And as I was leaving, he'd call out, 'Say, I shall deduct a day's wage—of course I shall.' But he always managed to forget it when he planked down. The first time we overhauled accounts I put him in mind of it, and he jest gave me the infernalist booting ever I got, and called me a pesky young idiot, with many other honorable mentions, which my native modesty don't allow me to recapitulate. That's what I got, owing to being named after Mr. G. Washington.

"I stayed on with Uncle Sol four years or more, when matters eventuated in a crisis, which came about this way:—

"One of our best customers was Squire Allan, who had a big farm about four miles out of Jefferson, and used to come in with his daughter Ruth now and then. He and Uncle were sworn friends, both in peace and war, as one might say. They belonged to the same church, and always went for the same platform. Seems they had been mates like when they were boys a'most, and they came out west together. The Squire's wife died soon after Ruth was born, and he never got noosed again, so she was his only child; and as the old boy was supposed to be pretty warm, there were a heap of bucks after his daughter. But I reckoned a sight more of herself than I did of the dollars. She page 51was quite a girl when she first come to the store, but she grew into one of the most splendiferous young women ever I saw. I ain't a-going to draw her picture; but I tell you what, pardner, it's painted somewhere about my bosom in the best enamel, as nothing ever can rub out. Bless her dear little soul! I used to sit opposite to her at meeting, and feed my eyes on her pretty face, all soft pink and white—like peach-blossom and cream—till I got to complain that Parson Huckleberry's sermons were too short by half. And when she'd come tripping into our store, holding up her riding-suit with her dainty little hand, and asking for something or other with her soft voice, that sounded like the echoes of a flute, I used to think that if there were any angels of a superior sort in the Great Emporium up above, it must be a mighty pleasant place to locate in.51

"Well, to cut a long story short, I fell in love with Miss Ruth; and one day, when the Squire and Uncle Sol were settling the election ticket in the parlour, and Ruth were cheapening calicoes in the store, she says to me:—

"'Be you sure them colours is fast?'

"'Yes, Miss,' says I, 'as fast as the roses in your cheeks, and the love in my heart.'

"She gave a start at that, and the roses faded suddenly out, and she bent down her head, and her fingers kind of trembled as they handled the calico. And, you bet, my heart went pit-a-pat like winking, and the strength seemed to go out of my knees, all to once.

"And both of us were so silent for about a minute page 52that I could hear my heart thumping away like a steam-engine.

"'Oh, Mr. Pratt!' says she at last, in a low bird-like voice, 'whatever do you mean?"

"'I mean,' says I, plucking up my courage, 'that I'm desperately in love with you, Miss; and if you don't reciprocate, I'm a gone coon, that's all.'

"'Oh, you are, are you?' says Uncle Sol, coming out of the parlour, 'Then I reckon the best thing you can do is to pack up your traps, and go right straight off; for I wont have it on my conscience to have sech an owdacious perverter of youthful innocence on these here premises.'

"'Right you are, Solomon,' chimed in the squire. 'Young man,' he went on to me; 'Do you calculate as I've growed this here gal to throw her away on a store clerk, after sixteen years' scientific cultivation. No, Sirree!' says the old boy, looking wicked about the eyes. 'And I'm eternally derned,' says he, 'if I don't give you the all-firedest cow-hiding ever bestowed on mankind, if you try off any more of your blessed nonsense on my daughter.'

"'Come along, Ruth,' says the squire, when he got his breath again. And she got up from the chair she were sitting on, looking as white as a ghost, and then the colour came rushing back, like the coming in of the tide; and she put her little hand in mine—yes, sir, Uncle and her old dad notwithstanding, as the lawyers say—and she says 'Mr. Pratt,' says she, 'I'm very sorry for my father's rudeness and bad temper, and I shall always be glad to see you, and—and—'

"And then she broke down and burst out crying, and page 53the squire he hurried her off, and uncle Sol stormed and raved at me till I felt as if I was the darndest mean white that ever cheated a nigger, I did, Sir.

"Well, next day the Boss calls me aside into the parlour. 'George,' he says, 'you ain't quite such a goney as I thought.52 No you ain't. Squire Allan is worth twenty thousand dollars if he's worth a cent; and that's a pretty comfortable thing to marry, even though there is a plaguey gal strung on to it. You go in and win, George, and you can count on me as your backer.'

"'No, uncle,' says I, 'I ain't on—not in that line. I don't care a red for the old party's dollars, but I do care pretty much for the gal, and I mean to win her fairly if I can; but I won't have any living man to say that I courted her for her dollars.'

"'Well,' he says, 'Wa-a-l! you are a fool after all. 'Git!' he says, and I got.

49 First Commandment to Adam - God told Adam and Eve to populate the Earth. Genesis 1:28.

50 “Home-made huck-a-buck” - A type of linen that was made through an uneven weave. Most towels nowadays have a similar feel.

51 Great Emporium - Heaven.

52 Goney - a simpleton