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Salient: Victoria University Students' Paper. Vol. 30, No. 8. 1967.

Sludge

Sludge

I, Sludge, of no fixed mentality do hereby tender notice of my intention to stand or run or not as the case maybe or not for the office of Executive Member in Charge of Public Intimidation.

Qualifications: I have been a loyal member since time immemorial of the Royal Society for the Prevention And, most important of all, I have never been a member of the Paekakariki Glee Club. Furthermore I have been described by a well-known nonentity in terms ranging from "repulsive" to just plain "queer."

Objectives: For far too long now the Wellington public have had it too easy. Such token jibes as burning down the railway station are all very well for secondary schoolchildren attempting to publicise their production of "Toad of Toad Hall" but University Students should have more finesse. I promise that, if elected, there will be an immediate breakdown in essential services in Wellington and the Hutt will be nailed to the floor, darkness will descend on the Earth and all will await the coming of Sludge.

Methods: All this will not be achieved by sitting around a table exchanging platitudes about the price of contraceptives. No, indeed nor will it be achieved by showing aged clerics and Mother of six around the place on a "Typical" day. If that sort of thing continues, the establishment will be overrun with all manner of level-headed, woolly-minded clods. The only real solution is that tried and tested device affectionately known the world over as the "barbed wire fence."

Never let it be said that Sludge knows nothing about "down-gown relations." What he does know is that it is not natural for students to be on good terms with the public and who is he to alter what has been decreed? It is all very well to ask the Minister of Education for more finance but it is far more effective if one adds the rider "or we'll booby-trap your Volkswagen and blow your foot off."

To Sum Up: There's us and there's Them and I'll kiss Larry Stenswick's forehead before I'll compromise. I stand for the student's inalienable right to make a right down regular joe of himself any time he likes irrespective of who gets maimed, mangled, mashed or even hurt. I pledge, I promise, I pray, I write the most bloody awful column in "Salient" etc, etc, etc.