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Salient: Victoria University Students' Paper. Vol. 30, No. 14. 1967.

Sludge

Sludge

Perhaps The most touching story of the week was the one which arose innocently and mundanely enough with the announcement that the present Governor-General was shortly to be removed to make way for a shining new one (New Zealand-assembled). Fergie himself was of course to have been sent to the Imperial War Museum to complete an exhibit entitled "Why We Lost At New Orleans," whilst his wife was to have trained as a test pilot in an internationally-known broom factory.

These plans however were made without reckoning with the true Kiwi sense of humour. "Why," everyone exclaimed, "they can't do this to us. Where are we going to take our kids on Sunday afternoon? The zoo's not a patch on old Fergie for entertainment value. He may be a ninniefied old creep but what would we do without him?"

Suddenly people began to realise that Fergie was the epitome of all that is British and spurious. To the kids he was something to smear with ice-cream at Plunket meetings. To the swinging teenagers he was "Carnaby Fergie" resplendent in his outrageous attire and ever-ready to freak out in the name of Her Majesty. To the Mums and Dads he was the nice old man down the street who couldn't afford to have a full pair of spectacles. And to the old folks he was "The Governor" plain and simple (they all thought he was Hobson).

In other words they couldn't bear to part with him and this sentiment was soon to find expression in the phenomenal growth of the "Preserve Fergie for New Zealand Satire" movement.

This in turn drew strong feelings from the newly-formed "All Poms are Finks Association" and soon Fergie was the subject of a fierce political controversy, a veritable hot-potato if one were to lapse into the vernacular. Like all political hot-potatoes therefore the only way to resolve it was through a referendum.

After much heated debate the ballot paper was decided upon.

I Favour The Expulsion Of Fergie I Favour The Retention Of Fergie As A National Monument, The Actual Hours Of Display To Be Adjusted In Accordance With Local Conditions.

And what a turnout there was (even half a dozen Maoris voted). Pretty soon the will of the people was known with Fergie carrying every electorate, an old rusty sword, and to all appearances, a child.

So now their stands on the WellingtonFeatherston road between the hours of ten and six (including Sundays) none other than Fergie. and in front is a small plaque bearing the inscription:

There's a martial-looking idol to the north of Waiwhetu

And "Beware of Wind" is carved upon his feet He's condemned to stand forever on the Rimutaka Hill

In the pouring wet and wind and rain and sleet.

It's an honour just to have him (they don't make 'em anymore)

His career was the greatest, so they tell, But he was a rubber stamp and did nothing very much

Tho' he did it so exceptionally well.