Pettipoint

Those who read, last week, and realised not the transposition of one "Outside Left" and one "Pettipoint" may declare themselves Utmost Scunge. Abase ye! Grovel! Those who perceived the grievous wrong done the reputation of this column by the Printers slight of mind may, with head held high, merely genuflect.

∗ ∗ ∗

A number of students are reported to have been struck down by the dreaded disease of Pie. Pie is a disease of much dread—in fact, one of the muchest dread you could possibly imagine, even with socks.

Those laid low suffer from a variety of symptoms, including slow bottoms and, in the worst cases, glum knees. The cause of the disease is believed to be the Tirade— an organism which looks very like an extremely small cow, although invisible to the naked, and indeed any other, eye.

Money, and things, to the tune of tens of dollars are being spent on research into this pest, and a donation from you will keep the research team provided with money and happy thoughts for a further period. Contributions c/- me, Salient.

∗ ∗ ∗

Have you ever funned in the heiring cupboard with a wardrobe mistress?

∗ ∗ ∗

My secondary school was about as far from the sea as this university. It had about one-fifth as many students as this university. It had filtered baths. It is not therefore a little ridiculous that we are forced to drive to one of the local beaches for a lunch time plunge, or hire a bus?

I demand that the Vice-Chancellor's office be converted into an indoor swimming pool, with sliding roof for sunny days.

Ah, clean-limbed bodies flashing in the sun, ah!

Telegram your nearest Minister of Education today! The Min. of Ed. is far from the university? Of course, how true, how true.

∗ ∗ ∗

The National Council of Churches condemned the condomat decision (according to Craccum) as placing "sex in the same category as chocolate, cigarettes, and chewing gum".

Ah, technology, how subtle are thy ways! At last—no more of those problems created by using Real People!

What a wealth of complications removed with such swift aplomb!

No more long queues outside the bedrooms of famous women.

Just go to your nearest hygienic Machine, where It awaits you—clean, simple to operate, no landlady problems, and speed control in the expensive models.

Funny though, maybe I'm abnormal or something, but I always have trouble with that slot …

∗ ∗ ∗

"The following items are added to the NCC List of Prohibited Imports — chocolate, black and white; cigarettes, long and wee; chewing gum, before the act and after; and sex."