Erik Satie - "A Musician's Day".

"An artist must regulate his life. Here is my precise daily schedule. I rise at 7.18; am inspired from 10.30 to 11.47. I lunch at 12.11 and leave the table at 12.14. A healthy horseback ride on my property from 1.19 to 2.35. Another round of inspiration from 3.12. to 4.07.

From 5.00 to 6.47 various occupations (fencing, reflection, immobility, visits, contemplation, dexterity, swimming, etc.)

Dinner is served at 7.16 and finished at 7.20. Afterward from 8.09 to 9.59 symphonic readings out loud.

I go to bed regularly at 10.37. Once a week I wake up with a start at 3.14 am (Tuesdays).

I eat only white foods: eggs, sugar, shredded bones, the fat of dead animals, rice, turnips, sausages in camph or pastry, cheese, (the white variety), cotton salad, and certain kinds of fish(skinned).

I boil my wine and drink it cold mixed with fuschia juice. I have a good appetite but never talk when eating for fear of strangling.

I breathe carefully(a little at a time ) and dance very rarely. When walking I hold my sides and look [unclear: steadily] behind me.

Being of serious demeanour it is unintentional [unclear: where] I laugh. I always apologise very affably.

I sleep with only one eye closed; I sleep very hard. [unclear: My] bed is round with a hole in it for my head to go [unclear: through] Every hour a servant lakes my temperature and [unclear: gives] another.

For a long time I have subscribed to a fashion [unclear: magazine] I wear a white cap, white socks and a white vest.

My doctor has always told me to smoke. He even [unclear: explains] himself: "Smoke, my friend. Otherwise [unclear: somebo-] else will smoke in your place."

The sound revolution

wed; 19th

Item : "Five Grimaces "by Erik Satie ; played Miss Victoria Beatrice Jones, on the grand piano.

Miss Victoria Beatrice Jones is not as you might imagine her to be. While she's no less attractive than a [unclear: hypothetir] 'Miss Victoria' winner. 'Victoria' is her name (remember Major Major Major?) and she's got more important things to do than enter beauty contests. She plays the piano for instance. Startlingly, at least when she plays Satie. Erik Satie, one of the most eccentric musicians ever, died in 1925. Most musicians have trouble being' understood' during their lifetimes only to be acclaimed when dead. Satie's eccentricities have been acclaimed but his music is yet to be understood, fortunately.

Vicky Jones gallantly communicated the energy and humour of the so-called "Five Grimaces". Sitting on two chairs to be in the best position to pound the keys, she recreated the eccentricity, drama, and beauty of the musician and the music. No gentle beauty, of course, it's music to accompany a karate massage or a night in a concrete-mixer. A great success, these "Five Grimaces", especially with Vicky Jones adding a few grimaces of her own.

David Guerin playing "Five Little Pieces" by Max well Davies was no more than an interlude — unmemorable after Satie and before the feature attractions. But in itself excellent.

4'33"

Scheduled Item: John Cage "The wonderful widow of eighteen springs". Unperformed. Now I wonder why not?

Item: John Cage "4 minutes 33 seconds"

Compere Rex Holliday "I don't think it's exaggeration to say that this next piece is one of the most important compositions of the century. Would you all move forward please, so that the people at the back can get in".

The pianist walks across the stage and sits at the piano.

The audience become si lent. A coin drops from a pocket to the floor. A girl rustles a paper bag. The pianist makes no move, still silent.

The girl is embarrassed, silently. Behind me someone strikes a match. I want a smoke, but not wanting to participate I can't bring myself to strike a match. A baby whimpers. I scratch my nose. I borrow a lighted cigarette to light my own. The baby whimpers again. This time people giggle. There is a rustling of bottoms and a door opens. Whirring of my pen across the paper. Borrowed from romantic gentleman. How many people are wondering when it will end, this silence, and whether they will dap? Rustling of paper. A wait for the next noise. It is the pianist's stool. He is standing up. People are clapping.

Item: Clapping. 0 minutes 11 seconds.

Rex: "That's really cool".

Item: "Tape Piece" by Ross Harris

A plink plink splutter plunk piece. And a whizz splat tarantara piece. Noiseless laughter. Buzz whimper pop pop. They're crossing their legs and leaning forward earnestly. Not reacting, or trying not to 'react' with their bodies to this ZAP music. Zap me so fah la te doe to infinity music. Tooting chortling vibraphonv music. Clang ! Honk I Tweet! OOOOOOoooOOOoooOOOooO !! EEEEEeeeeEEEEEE ! Zow ! Pow ! Sproing !Zonk !! Flash ! pretty good stuff we have here brother !"

— the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers Very loud. Power, power, powerful noise. People becoming excited. They've just read "Liberules". It's not easy to shock a Liberal. The air seems still but a smoke ring shatters. Who'd blow a smoke ring? Plink tink think watery music, fizz spit very music. Volume up then drop. That baby is due for another cry. It cries, I observe, he cries. So predictable against the music. Whimpers 'ooh be, ooh ba'. Music louder—I instinctively write 'music' not 'noise'.

"Noise : A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization. "—from Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" Foghorns even. So loud, fina'ly the speakers are vibrating, begging. Relief with cooling, slowly silencing. Now the loudest sound is a car outside, Prolonged clapping.

sOft velvet

Item: "sOft velvet" by Rex Halliday. Performed by cast of thousands.

Rex: 'Listen to this one i really mean it. Lots of [unclear: th] will be happening. Don't just look straight ahead. [unclear: I] suppose I had better point out that the idea of [unclear: this] piece is not to create any pretty music.'

He hasn't said who composed this piece. I guess we know. Music Room, Hunter, full. Somebody blows their nose, there ought to be a law. The music [unclear: start] Jenny McLeod clatters away on the drums. [unclear: Gordon] Burt plays a churchy piano. Instantly Sunday, then quickly destroyed with a supermarket ad. Behind [unclear: m] horn blares a morsel of Wagner. A girl giggles. A [unclear: ma] under an umbrella is walking among the audience. [unclear: T] same girl laughs uninhibitedly. And she's not [unclear: even] commissioned. What manner of drumming is this, [unclear: a] from crazy! Clatter bang thank you ma'am. [unclear: Snatch] of demagoguery, electric polemic. Electric [unclear: raucosity] that bass hum intentional? Can't separate the [unclear: inten] and the accidents. Pianist puts on top hat, plays [unclear: so] schmaltzy Chopin. A loud MarselIaise from the [unclear: hon] then it's sung, then the piano joins in. The [unclear: drumme] surveys the audience through binoculars, [unclear: probably] wrong way round. The pianist begins to rave, now Jenny is shouting bullshit. Hell, this is almost as [unclear: go] as the anarchist Bomb Factory! Streaming [unclear: conscious]. The soprano(?) is making some indistinguishably [unclear: lo] noise. The baby wouldn't get a squeal in. But why [unclear: a] they all shouting 'e=mc²'? Now a young lady is [unclear: scre] why, because she's shutting the curtains. What [unclear: for?] they're all singing in phase. 'I love to go a [unclear: wandering] Never mind the brass band, this is the worst stereo [unclear: in] world. Now Jenny is declaiming Portia's speech [unclear: from] pulpit, black robed, a flannel on her head. [unclear: Performence] clapping before and behind. Another fanfare, or [unclear: rath] horn-blast. Now a slow handclap. More [unclear: commerciasl]. This is all simultaneous, five performers, noise and [unclear: a] Rex's introduction heavy under statement, Shouting [unclear: a] soprano blowing soap bubbles. Sanity in the sound [unclear: of] electric guitar. The audience is animated but only [unclear: as] their faces. No human could dance to this music, [unclear: the] rattle for a disembowelled golliwog. Military drum [unclear: b] at one end of the room, pianist ripping off [unclear: Liberace] other. Whispering audience. Jenny blowing up a [unclear: ball] Jenny popping some balloon. Always good for a [unclear: lau] somebody crying 'Consider everything, open up [unclear: you] mind'— Yes! Wrangler advertises a new pair of old [unclear: je] People are pointing. The pariah clattering down [unclear: the] idor is as involved as those within. 'Aaah' sings [unclear: s.]

Rex: 'Right that's it' and it's all over. This chaos, [unclear: I] there was 20 minutes of it, is finished. Chaos has [unclear: giv] birth to a dancing star, wrapped in sOft velvet. The converted audience is too chaotic to clap, but there [unclear: a] jerky hand banging for a while. No more [unclear: appropriat] than between the movements of a symphony.