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Tragedy

"Jamiseon smith was a plumber," my friend cold me. "He was also an amiable idiot. Forget his tools? Why, there were times when I thought he'd forget he was a plumber. And yet he had a certain amount of inventive ingenuity.

"He was engaged to Maisy Smail, a maid at the Braeview Hotel. But she did not want to marry him until he had assured himself of a comfortable income. She trusted in his inventions implicitly.

"Jamieson Smith had invented a patent fire escape. He called it the 'Jamieson Smith Hotel Safety Valve.' If you spread the apparatus out on the pavement, people could jump into it from the highest building as fast as they liked . . . At least, Jamieson Smith and Maisy Smail hoped they could.

"'It's a demonstration you want,' argued Maisy. 'You bring the valve up to the Brae-view Hotel and I'll jump out of the third story window. Then you can offer to sell some to the management.'

"'It'd work if you jumped from the fourth floor,' said Jamieson Smith hopefully.

"'Third floor's my limit,' declared Maisy.

"'Oh, ... all right,' grinned Jamieson Smith.

"They arranged it all very carefully. At the exact moment, Maisy left her work, threw open the window they had decided upon, and prepared to jump. But she looked out first.

"She was glad she had.

"Jamieson Smith was standing vacantly on the footpath, but the 'Jamieson Smith Hotel Safety Valve' was not there. With gestures, he explained that he had forgotten to bring it. I believe I mentioned that he was a plumber. She sent him back for it ('Oh, all right,' grinned Jamieson Smith) and returned to work. After a while, she went down to the front steps of the hotel to see if he were ever coming.

"He arrived a little later with the Valve and a crowd of curious onlookers. Solemnly he began to spread the Valve out on the footpath. It opened automatically, you understand, but you had to unscrew it to take it down. Maisy darted up the stairs. She knew the Jamieson Smith Safety Valve was perfectly safe. They'd tried it out heaps of times at the bottom of a fir tree. And the hotel manager was dissatisfied with the existing safety system. Just one jump, and their fortune was made.

"Meanwhile a policeman was objecting to the stoppage in the traffic down below. 'Hey, you,' he bawled, addressing Jamieson Smith, 'Take that thing away.'

"'Oh, all right,' grinned Jamieson Smith, as he began to undo the valve preparatory to carting it away. It opened automatically, you under-stand, but you had to unscrew it to take it down.

"Maisy was preparing to jump. The manageress saw her, and bounded after her. 'Stop!' she shrieked. Maisy didn't She vaulted nimbly out of the window. Down, down she plunged . . .

* * *

"Oh, how tragic," I bleated, covering my eyes with my hands. "What an awful tragedy."

"Not necessarily," said my friend. "Jamieson Smith hadn't been able to undo the "Jamieson Smirh Safety Valve." He'd forgotten to bring a screwdriver. I think I mentioned he was a plumber. . . ."

—B.A.S.